Mugabe protesters turn on Wenger, Berbatov joins the mafia and badgers vent their anger at Sam Allardyce – here’s your round-up of the month’s weirdest tales
1 KYLIE MINOGUE: ST MIRREN FAN England London
When Kylie Minogue revealed her latest calendar picture online, St Mirren’s fans were unexpectedly thrilled. Kylie welcomed in November by posing in a white football shirt with some black pinstripes, a strip that appeared familiar. “Great to see Kylie pay homage to our 1987 Scottish Cup winning team,” said the Buddies on Twitter. It was probably unintentional, although perhaps Kylie’s a big fan of retro Scottish football – next month, she destroys a corner flag and gets sent off three times, Windass-style.
2 GET OFF THE PITCH, GUYS! Egypt Cairo
Al Ahly supporters wanted to back their heroes at a training session ahead of the African Champions League final second leg, but what they actually did was stop them training at all. Thousands of fans crammed into the Mokhtar El-Tetsh Stadium, but many of them spilled onto the pitch and training had to be stopped. Al Ahly then lost the final to Wydad Casablanca – maybe just train behind closed doors next time?
3 DON’T MESS WITH BERBA Bulgaria Sofia
Eric Cantona, Vinnie Jones, now Dimitar Berbatov. The ex-Man United frontman has just made his movie debut, and he exudes as much effortless style on the big screen as he does on the pitch. Currently at Kerala Blasters in India, he is also starring in the new Bulgarian film Rev X as a cigar-smoking mafia boss. If Dimitar’s anything like Cantona, expect him to start randomly appearing in every World Cup advert for the next 20 years...
4 “MUGABE? I THOUGHT THIS WAS AN ARSENAL PROTEST...”
In Zimbabwe, one member of the public had finally had enough. Frustrated by an ageing, all-powerful leader who’d hung on for far too long amid ever decreasing popularity, he went out onto the streets with a clear message: Wenger must go. Everyone else was protesting against Robert Mugabe, but no matter where you are in the world these days, you can be sure there’ll be someone with a ‘Wenger Out’ banner. Poor Arsene: he can’t even watch the news any more.
5 FACE OF A NATION Canada Vancouver
Having scored more than 150 goals for Canada, it’s no wonder Christine Sinclair has a big head. Thankfully that big head wasn’t her own, but a massive cardboard cut-out created in her honour. Sinclair posed with the cut-out ahead of Canada’s double-header against the USA, but the Canucks were thwarted yet again: they haven’t got one over the USA since 2001. No update yet on whether it wiped the smile off the cut-out’s face...
6 PLAYING THE GOAT(S) Germany Leverkusen
Bayer Leverkusen ain’t afraid of no goats, and they showed exactly that when they faced Köln. Their local rivals are known as the Billy Goats so Bayer fans unveiled a gigantic ‘Goatbusters’ tifo pre-match, with the stadium PA playing goat bleats over the top of the famous Ghostbusters theme tune. Things got a little embarrassing when they played the Ghostbusters ditty again to celebrate their third goal, only for it to be swiftly disallowed, but Leverkusen did hang on to win 2-1. Goats busted.
7 BIG SAM INFURIATES BADGERS England Dudley
Dudley Town have had some problems with a different kind of mammal: several badgers dug up the pitch, forcing them to postpone two recent home matches. The Duds claim that they’ve also been blighted by foxes and Canada geese. It’s almost as if the entire animal kingdom were trying to wreak terrible revenge on the Midlands club. But why would they be so angry? Well, did you know Dudley are the club where Sam Allardyce began his football career? Yeah, that’ll be it...
8 FATHER TIME France Paris
Move over, Neymar: Thomas Meunier is PSG’s new social media star. The Belgian presented the weather on TV last year and now he’s come up with a novel way to announce that his second child is on the way: lining up at the Parc des Princes with his partner, their son and a PSG shirt saying ‘Baby 2’ – all while posing in front of the big screen saying, ‘Another goal scored, 4-0’. Let’s just hope the return leg isn’t in Barcelona.
9 PIRANHA LION ON THE LOOSE! Cameroon Yaounde
Cameroon failed to qualify for the World Cup, but they made up for it by bringing out the world’s best football shirt. They are nicknamed the Indomitable Lions so we’re presuming the gnashing creature on the front of the kit is a lion, although frankly FFT reckons it looks like a piranha. It’s a scary sight, either way – imagine how blood-curdlingly terrifying it will look when it’s adorned by Clinton N’Jie and Eric Maxim Choupo-Moting... Actually, maybe not.
10 POLDI THE WARRIOR Japan Kobe
Lukas Podolski has been keeping himself busy since moving to Japan with Vissel Kobe. Previously snapped next to monks, sumo wrestlers and Ronald McDonald, he’s now donned a traditional Japanese dress and posed as a samurai warrior. He’s not exactly the most convincing of warriors, but stick him in the German national samurai team and no doubt he would suddenly become a world-beater.
11 TALL POPPY SYNDROME England Brighton
What’s the best way of selling poppies? By covering yourself from head to toe in the flowers, of course. That is what a volunteer did ahead of Brighton-Southampton. It certainly gave the bloke an incentive to sell them – he couldn’t even see where he was going until somebody bought all the poppies covering up his face. Anyhow, it showed total dedication to the cause – raising cash for the Poppy Appeal.
12 “TIMES SQUARE OR CENTRAL PARK TODAY, ARJEN?” USA New York
Whenever FFT is in New York, we always think to ourselves, ‘You know what would make this even better? If we pretended that Arjen Robben was here with us for no apparent reason’. Bayern Munich have solved the issue: creating an augmented reality app that allows people to stand next to the Dutch winger in all their Big Apple holiday pics. You start off by posing on his right but, as part of the reality experience, Robben will constantly keep trying to move you onto his left...