12 Global Sto­ries

Ney­mar frol­ics in the French snow, an Ital­ian pornstar helps out her lo­cal team and Partick’s Conor Sam­mon is irked by pizza – it’s been a month of weird de­liv­er­ies

Australian Four Four Two - - CONTENTS -

1 GOOD­NESS GRA­CIOUS, MEE Eng­land Burn­ley

There have been lots of iconic movie posters in the past: Jaws, Pulp Fic­tion, A Clock­work Orange, Sav­ing Bernardo Silva. Hang on, Sav­ing Bernardo Silva? When Ben Mee rugby-tack­led Silva dur­ing Burn­ley’s clash with Man City, he was pic­tured vir­tu­ally car­ry­ing his op­po­nent over his shoul­der, as if the ex-Monaco ace had been wounded in bat­tle. Burn­ley mocked it up into their own ver­sion of the Sav­ing Pri­vate Ryan poster, with boss Sean Dy­che peek­ing at the back. Next: Jack Cork cy­cles to the moon mid-match to recre­ate ET.

2 CHEVRON BO­NANZA Nige­ria La­gos

Nige­ria have launched their snazzy new kit range ahead of the World Cup – we haven’t seen so much zig and zag since the days of The Big Break­fast. The home jersey fea­tures chevrons – with black-and-white sleeves – and is a throw­back to Nige­ria’s ’94 World Cup kit. Here’s hop­ing the homage doesn’t end there, and Vic­tor Moses cel­e­brates scor­ing in Rus­sia by pre­tend­ing to wee on the cor­ner flag, Finidi Ge­orge-style.

3 “IT’S CHRIST­MAS!” France Paris

You know that song I Wish It Could Be Christ­mas Ev­ery­day? That’s ba­si­cally Ney­mar’s life, and to prove it, the Brazil star ran­domly donned a Christ­mas hat in Fe­bru­ary and dashed out­side to take pic­tures of him­self in the French snow. Ney­mar didn’t see many bliz­zards in Brazil or Spain, so per­haps Christ­mas films have conned him into think­ing ev­ery­one puts on a Santa hat as soon as it snows. He then dashed in­side to pull a cracker and watch some Only Fools and Horses Christ­mas spe­cials for the 4,000th evening in suc­ces­sion.


Don’t ex­pect a bor­ing pic­ture of a bloke hold­ing up a shirt when J2 League side Mat­sumoto Ya­m­aga an­nounce a new sign­ing. In­stead the club hired a lo­cal the­atre, lined their new play­ers up on the stage and got scarf-twirling fans to serenade them in song. The play­ers had to sit and look po­lite for an un­com­fort­ably long time. “OK, cheers guys, thanks for the wel­come. Er, can we go to train­ing now?”

5 “SAY MOZ­ZARELLA, CONOR!” Scot­land Partick

Conor Sam­mon had just come off the field after Partick This­tle’s home loss to Dundee when some­body handed him a pizza and asked him to pose for the cam­eras. Re­sult: the an­gri­est prod­uct place­ment pic­ture ever taken. “Conor Sam­mon re­ceived his FREE pizza from Pizza Ex­press after full-time on Satur­day,” the club tweeted, with a pic­ture of the for­ward look­ing livid, as if he was ready to shove the pizza where the sun doesn’t shine. Maybe he’d asked for pep­per­oni?

6 EVIL EYES Ser­bia Bel­grade

There are few scarier places than Red Star Bel­grade’s Ra­jko Mitic Sta­dium, and it was no dif­fer­ent for the Europa League visit of CSKA Moscow. Be­fore kick-off, ul­tras un­veiled a tifo of a mas­sive, men­ac­ing pair of eyes, star­ing down on the op­po­si­tion in an at­tempt to frighten the life out of the play­ers. The eyes seemed fa­mil­iar – maybe they based the tifo on Conor Sam­mon after re­ceiv­ing that pizza...


It’s not ev­ery day that FFT gets a photo of Spi­der-Man wear­ing full Flamengo kit pre­tend­ing to cry his eyes out, so we thought we’d share it with the world. The su­per­hero tweeted after Vini­cius Jr an­gered Botafogo with a ‘cry baby’ goal cel­e­bra­tion – re­fer­ring to a press con­fer­ence when Botafogo’s play­ers cried while whinge­ing about ref­er­ees. An­gry about the cel­e­bra­tion, Botafogo can­celled plans for Flamengo to use their home sta­dium for the state fi­nal. Spi­der-Man didn’t look too con­cerned.

8 “VIR­GIL, IS THAT YOU?” Eng­land Southampton

When Liver­pool took on Southampton, a few chaps dressed as dragons turned up out­side the ground pre-match. No, it wasn’t Vir­gil van Dijk and De­jan Lovren ar­riv­ing in dis­guise – the dragons were en­joy­ing Chi­nese New Year. With huge white gnash­ers and a con­stant wide smile, Jur­gen Klopp marked the dragons’ pres­ence with a 2-0 away win.


Alexis Sanchez’s dogs usu­ally take the head­lines, but Atom and Hum­ber would cower in fear if they ever suf­fered the mis­for­tune of meet­ing Saint, Mar­cus Rash­ford’s ter­ri­fy­ing new pup. Rash­ford un­veiled the canine in full Man United grab – we look for­ward to the ar­rival of his sec­ond dog, Greavsie.


The Serie C side Vi­cenza were de­clared bank­rupt re­cently, but help may be at hand. Pornstar Amandha Fox, aka ‘The Pol­ish Venus’, will do­nate 10 per cent of the prof­its from her cal­en­dar sale. She wants to as­sist be­cause she of­ten hosts at a lap dance club in the city. She said the team’s woes sad­dened her ‘be­cause the bank­ruptcy’s 40 years since they fin­ished in sec­ond place in Serie A’. Ah, the era of Vito Cal­lioni and Gio­vanni Lorini, she re­mem­bers it well.

11 “JUST CALL ME KHABIB” Spain Madrid

Re­mem­ber the name... Khabib Ab­dul­manapovich Nur­magome­dov. Ac­tu­ally, the 29-year-old Rus­sian is pretty well known in UFC cir­cles, and met up with Cris­tiano Ron­aldo dur­ing a trip to Spain. He even got Ron­nie to pose in a daft Rus­sian hat – al­though given that Khabib has lit­er­ally wres­tled a bear, you’d prob­a­bly just do what he says. “What’s that, scary fighter man, you want me to put on the hat? OK!”


When the MLS got play­ers from var­i­ous clubs to pose for Valen­tine’s Day, they thought it’d be a bit of fun. But At­lanta United’s Josef Martinez had a dif­fer­ent view, de­mand­ing that the MLS web­site re­move a jaunty im­age of him pos­ing with a rose be­tween his teeth. “That photo was when we were just jok­ing around – they never told me it was go­ing to go out,” the Venezue­lan fumed after the pic­ture went vi­ral. If Martinez and Conor Sam­mon one day unite and rock the world with a ‘No to Stupid Pro­mo­tional Pic­tures’ cam­paign, re­mem­ber how this all started.

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