(Noah + Gla­di­a­tor) x (In­cred­i­ble stu­pid­ity + Aw­ful act­ing) = This spe­cial-ef­fects crap­buster!

Australian T3 - - CONTENTS -

The Nas­ti­ness of Wolf Creek 2 takes on The Ut­ter Non­sense of Pom­peii and Tran­scen­dence

As pre­pos­ter­ous as Dar­ren Aronof­sky’s Noah was, you couldn’t claim it wasn’t a se­ri­ous-minded at­tempt to show how hor­rific a true, God-or­dered apoc­a­lypse would be. This, on the other hand, is based on a ver­i­fi­able, al­beit smaller-scale, ar­maged­don in which many lives were lost, yet it car­ries less emo­tional heft than Ouch, My Balls!, with Jim Car­rey. Much of that is down to “star” Kit “John Snow” Har­ing­ton, who looks like a man from a 1970s bar­ber­shop win­dow and has the charisma of poly­styrene. The ter­ri­ble script and turgid pac­ing don’t help it any, ei­ther. Still, when­ever very, very evil Kiefer Suther­land is up, eat­ing the scenery, it’s goofily en­joy­able. And ob­vi­ously, once the fires start rain­ing down, Pom­peii brings the kind of mas­sive, mind­less fun that only see­ing mil­lions die hor­ri­bly for our en­ter­tain­ment can bring. Talk about a guilty plea­sure. $32 Blu-ray, $25 HD down­load, out now

The re­hearsals for 24:NoPlaceLikeRome were go­ing well

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