10 ways the Ap­ple Watch will change your life

Australian T3 - - TECHRADAR -

1/ You’ll de­velop a Popeye arm

Once at­tached to your wrist we es­ti­mate that you’ll lift your arm to your face some­where in the re­gion of 5,000 times a day, mean­ing one half of your body will de­velop the toned mus­cles of an Olympic rower. You’ll need to swap the watch reg­u­larly be­tween wrists for an even dis­tri­bu­tion of mus­cu­lar bulk, or sim­ply wear a T-shirt that’s re­ally tight on one side.

2/ You’ll al­ways be ex­tremely clean

Thanks to smart­phones, show­ers are quick af­fairs th­ese days, with all of us des­per­ate to get back to our beloved boxes of fun as soon as pos­si­ble, for fear of miss­ing an un­miss­able Face­book up­date. With a wa­ter­re­sis­tant Ap­ple Watch, how­ever, you’ll now be able to read mes­sages, watch videos and check Twit­ter while en­joy­ing your daily wash, mean­ing you’ll spend about three hours ev­ery morn­ing scrub­bing your skin clean off with­out even re­al­is­ing.

3/ You won’t sit on it

While your iPhone 6 gets for­got­ten about in your back pocket, slowly turn­ing ba­nana-shaped as you ex­ert your whole weight on the poor, del­i­cate thing, your stain­less steel and alu­minium Ap­ple Watch will sit flat on your wrist, thereby avoid­ing another Bendgate. And if you go for the blinged-up 18-karat ver­sion and you some­how man­age to bend it (gold can get quite bendy, after all) you can sell the pre­cious metal at a scrap value that’s worth more than your car. Win-win.

4/ Pub quizzes should be so much eas­ier to cheat at

What is El­ton John’s real name? Hmm… let me just check the time… “Psst, Siri, just a quick one. What is El­ton John’s real name?” “LET ME CHECK THAT FOR YOU… HERE’S WHAT I FOUND…” Oh, that’s just bril­liant. Thanks for noth­ing, Siri.

5/ You’ll never con­cen­trate ever again

Gone are the days when you’d risk a dress­ing down for play­ing with your iPhone in a meet­ing. With the Ap­ple Watch you can now while away the time play­ing with the dig­i­tal crown, which once fid­dled with in­stantly proves more ad­dic­tive than Pringles. If ques­tioned by the boss, sim­ply say you’re ad­just­ing your cuff­links (warn­ing: check first that you’re wear­ing a shirt).

6/ You’ll be ever so care­ful

It’s hard enough try­ing to keep an iPhone un­scratched, even with a screen pro­tec­tor and a rub­ber case that would de­flect bul­lets, should it need to. Now imag­ine if that iPhone wasn’t in your pocket but strapped to your arm in­stead. With the Ap­ple Watch you’ll be walk­ing as if your arms are made of ura­nium. One overzeal­ous ges­ture near a brick wall and “boom”, life over...

7/ Dates will go bet­ter

The Ap­ple Watch will spell the end for iPhones sit­ting tempt­ingly on restau­rant ta­bles, mean­ing you’ll have to do real-world things like talk to your date/part­ner, rather than spoil the night search­ing for that pic­ture of the funny dog you once saw on hol­i­day. A-ha! Found it! Oh, she’s gone...

8/ You’ll al­ways be fit

Thanks to Ap­ple’s Health app, you will have a con­stant – an­noy­ingly con­stant – re­minder of just how lit­tle ex­er­cise you’re do­ing, which will force you off the sofa (is 200BPM in the nor­mal range for sofa sit­ting?) to march around town while fol­low­ing Ap­ple Maps to avoid any ar­eas where a $2,000 wrist com­puter might at­tract un­wanted at­ten­tion – you know the kind of ar­eas we mean. Don’t make us name names.

9/ You’ll be glad you waited

“Oh, this? Yes, it’s an Ap­ple Watch. What are you wear­ing? A Peb­ble? What does that do? Noth­ing? Shame.”

10/ You’ll have an in­stant clas­sic

We very much doubt this will hap­pen, but if no­body but you hap­pens to invest in an Ap­ple Watch, you can sim­ply put it in the back of the wardrobe, for­get all about it, then bring it out in 40 years and show it to your grand­kids. “Grandpa, what’s that?!” “Oh this? This is that smart­watch that Ap­ple brought out back in 2015.” “What’s a smart­watch?” “They never re­ally caught on...”

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