The 10 Ap­ple Watch apps we’d love to see

Australian T3 - - RADAR -


The new Ap­ple Watch has a lot of clever health fea­tures, in­clud­ing the abil­ity to send your heart­beat to another user. With this tech it should be easy to de­velop an app that sends your boss a non­nego­tiable no­ti­fi­ca­tion stat­ing that it’s med­i­cally un­safe for you to come in to work, com­plete with de­tails of your heart beat­ing like a ter­ri­fied ham­ster. He’ll be non-the-wiser to the fact you’re drink­ing an es­presso on a tread­mill.

2/ Mi­croView

Fridges, ther­mostats and kettles con­nect to our phones and, there­fore, smart­watches these days. But it’s smart mi­crowaves we re­ally want. Imag­ine pop­ping your soup into the of­fice mi­crowave, then go back to your desk and re­motely watch it spin­ning into bub­bly lava, avoid­ing un­com­fort­able queue chat and keep­ing a safe dis­tance for when your lunch in­evitably ex­plodes at three min­utes into the rec­om­mended seven. Mar­vel­lous.

3/ CheapFaces

Walk­ing down a dark al­ley at 3am in a ter­ri­fy­ing part of town with a very ex­pen­sive, shiny jew­ellery com­puter on your wrist, com­plete with quick­re­lease strap? Just tell Siri to ac­ti­vate CheapFaces and your Ap­ple Watch trans­forms to look like the Swatch your dad wears for gar­den­ing. Though Siri will just start shout­ing some­thing about not un­der­stand­ing and get you both beaten up.

4/ Au­toDeTune

You’re at a party, you’re hav­ing a good time. Peo­ple are chat­ting, some folks are hav­ing a dance, it’s fun. Then, out the cor­ner of your eye, you spot some­one wrap­ping their blis­tered fin­gers around the neck of an acous­tic gui­tar. Act fast! Sim­ply say “Oh no you don’t” into your Watch and, us­ing mag­netic forces, all the strings on the gui­tar will de­tune. The Won­der­wall sin­ga­long is can­celled. You’ve saved the party.


The 2015 bed time rou­tine: clean teeth, get in bed, check Twit­ter un­til 2am. With So­cialSleep, your Watch will de­tect when you lay down on your bed to sleep and will send painful jolts of elec­tric­ity down your arm ev­ery time you reach over to your phone to check a so­cial me­dia chan­nel. So­cialSleep Pre­mium will also de­tect al­co­hol units in your blood­stream and pre­vent you from send­ing texts af­ter your blood reaches a com­po­si­tion of around 20 per cent red/ white blood cells, 80 per cent Jäger­bomb.

6/ Su­per­mar­ket Nav

Sim­ply speak the ingredients you need for the evening’s sup­per and Su­per­mar­ketNav (fea­tur­ing lay­outs for ev­ery Wool­worths, Coles and IGA) will guide you around the em­po­rium in the short­est pos­si­ble route. To make things ex­cit­ing and in­crease your daily step count, ev­ery now and then it’ll for­get the spring onion, mak­ing you hur­tle from the check­out back into the store like a con­tes­tant on Su­per­mar­ket Sweep.

7/ NameKeeper

The rule is, if some­one tells you their name and you don’t quite catch it, you can never speak to that per­son again. NameKeeper solves this prob­lem. When some­one in­tro­duces them­selves, the name logs it­self on your Watch. Next time you’re near that per­son your Watch recog­nises them (due to sci­ence) and flashes their name on the screen. You just pre­tend you’re check­ing the time: “Oh, look it’s 10am. Fancy a cof­fee… Sa­man­tha?”

8/ An­droDe­tect

Walk­ing down the street, your Ap­ple Watch will buzz (al­most as if it’s chuck­ling) ev­ery time you pass some­one wear­ing an early An­droid Wear watch. This is your cue to roll up your sleeve, point at said per­son, and laugh.

9/ StonedSiri

This voice as­sis­tant app would only re­spond to your ques­tions or com­mands with phrases such as “What­ever you think best, man”, “Sounds good to me” or “Let’s just this can­cel this af­ter­noon’s meet­ing, mmmkay?”, help­ing to take some of the stress out of mod­ern life. Other fea­tures in­clude vi­brat­ing when it thinks you need another screen break/ toasted sand­wich and ig­nor­ing early morn­ing alarm re­quests.

10/ StrapZap

Ev­ery­one likes laser beams, ei­ther for point­ing-at-bits-of­p­re­sen­ta­tion pur­poses or for zap­ping evil bad guys, so this ap­pli­ca­tion would sim­ply shoot high powered lasers at stuff, be­cause… lasers! Woo!

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