The stair­way to heaven ... al­most !

Big Rigs - - COLUMNS - LIFE WITH KERMIE GRA­HAM HARSANT con­trib­u­tors@bi­

I WANTED to run some co-ax­ial ca­ble through the roof to hook up the sec­ond TV. I could see where the ex­ist­ing co-ax came out through the roof but wanted to see how big the exit hole was.

Pick­ing the right lad­der for the job I did all the usual safety things and climbed up for a gan­der.

The hole was a good size so back down I go to get a torch to shine through the hole so that I could feed the co-ax in­side the roof cav­ity to the right spot. And that’s where I blew it!

See, I was wear­ing Crocs – you know those horrible hard plas­tic things that not only gave me the “Kermie” nick­name – and I walked over wet grass.

I knew the lad­der was sta­ble so I fairly ripped up it the sec­ond time but the lad­der kicked to the left and I did a half-duck-twist-swan jack knife dive fair onto the base of my neck, fol­lowed in swift suc­ces­sion by my head and the rest of my back.

As I lay there my next thought was that I hadn’t told Rita what I was do­ing and she had no idea I was climb­ing a stair­way to heaven. Af­ter a bit I man­aged to crawl to the front door and yell out.

“I’m call­ing an am­bu­lance,” she ex­claimed.

There­after fol­lowed lots of x-rays, a CT scan and prod­ding here and there, ac­com­pa­nied with, “Don’t you move your neck!” Six hours star­ing at the roof of an emer­gency wing is bor­ing work, bro­ken only by point­ing out where leaks and re­pairs were needed as they wheeled me from place to place.

The bore­dom was also bro­ken by one poor nurse who dropped the re­mote con­trol for the bed fair onto my fore­head. Lol. They make those re­motes out of in­dus­trial strength cast iron for hos­pi­tals.

Very luck­ily for me no bones were bro­ken and I’ve only done a heap of soft tis­sue dam­age which in it­self is go­ing to take a bit of time to sort it­self out. Also luck­ily for me (although not for her), I am mar­ried to a beau­ti­ful lady who suf­fers from a de­bil­i­tat­ing back in­jury and knows more about man­ag­ing back pain than most pro­fes­sion­als.

So be­tween Rita and good old drugs, I’ll get back to good health in time.

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