It’s flat as Brian Bacon’s Cat
WAY back, in fact so far back it was early in the second half of last century, I had a good friend, Brian Bacon. Brian was a great kid and we hung out together most all of the time. Brian also had a rather fertile imagination.
One day we hooked up and he said, “My poor old cat got run over yesterday.”
“Jeez mate, that’s terrible! By what? Car? Bike?”
“Nah. He was run over by a steam-roller.”
“What! That musta been a horrible sight!”
“Yeah, pretty gruesome, but he’ll be OK.” “OK?” “Yep, he’s a bit squashed looking but he’s bouncing back.”
“He survived being run over by a steam-roller?” “Sure did.” Of course the story didn’t take long to circulate around Hooterville. It also became relatively commonplace in our family – and those of our mates – to describe things such as roadkill as: Flat As Brian Bacon’s Cat, a term I use to this very day.
Now, back in those days, furniture came as, well, furniture. You went out and bought a table and that’s what you brought home – a table. With legs attached. Needed a cupboard? Yep, it came as a big rectangular box complete with shelves. Not these days though. Today most everything comes to you as Flat as Brian Bacon’s Cat. When we moved from Hooterville to MooTown, Rita decided that she’d had enough of The Country theme our old house had been. Modern was her new desire. Out with the country style table and chairs, kitchen sideboard, et al, to be replaced with … Flat-Packs!
The advantage of Flat-Packs is that they are considerably cheaper to buy and a breeze to transport home.
The downside is that you have to put them together with diagrams and instructions. First cab off the rank were a couple of desks from Office Works which was relatively simple, given that the kit only contained three pieces. Number 2 were filing cabinets/drawers to go with the desks – one for each of us plus a spare to sit the printer on. Aldi came to the rescue on that front and after an hour and a half completing the first, the other two came in at around forty-five minutes each. Pretty good for a novice thought I.
Finally we moved on to a sideboard with three drawers and two cupboards for the dining area – again in the gloss white that is becoming a feature in our new home. After waiting a few weeks it turned up, compliments of Charlie Gattuso of Gattuso Transport in Shepparton.
This latest venture was by far my biggest undertaking to date. It had diagrams so small that the drawer runners and the shelving all had to be removed and put back in the right way up – necessitating a complete rebuild. Still, I got there in the end and proudly displayed the result on Book-Face.
History tells us that we owe the flat-pack world to Ikea. I reckon that all those years ago Ikea came across the Brian Bacon story and thought, “Here’s a way to stuff up the world and make a quid or three.”
What will the future bring? Flat-Packed Kenny’s and Mack’s? Don’t laugh folks, remember when we thought Dick Tracy’s wrist-watch radio was futuristic bulldust. Good luck with that!
Baco, me old mate, you’ve got a lot to answer for!
ROLL OVER: This little pussy cat used up one life after living through a steam roller attack.