Don’t like change? Don’t have kids

If your child came home with a tat­too, what would you do? For starters, I wouldn’t lose my mind

Central and North Burnett Times - - YOU - BY Owen Jac­ques Fol­low Owen Jac­ques Jour­nal­ist on Face­book or @Owen­jay on Twit­ter.

SINCE my daugh­ter was born, I oc­ca­sion­ally whis­per to her – half jok­ing, half se­ri­ously – ‘Slow down, you’re grow­ing too fast’. The tiny blob has started walk­ing, talk­ing, and now af­ter turn­ing two can tell me “No thank you” and “Love you Daddy”.

The time will come, as the in­ter­net likes to re­mind me, that I’ll one day put her down and not pick her up again.

It’s some­thing we grap­ple with as dads, as par­ents, that knowl­edge that our chil­dren won’t grow up like us.

My dad is a fan of rugby and car rac­ing, but de­spite hav­ing three sons, they’re not yelling at the TV when the All-Blacks play.

For me, it would be the equiv­a­lent of my girl grow­ing up not car­ing about the news. It’s a big part of my life, and part of the way I con­nect with peo­ple. So if she is bored by con­ver­sa­tions about what’s go­ing on in the world, will that break my ink-stained heart?

The Guardian helped me an­swer this ques­tion, by dig­ging up a rant from a mother who had en­tirely lost her mar­bles.

A mum go­ing by “Tess” is left tear­fully clutch­ing the pearls af­ter her 21-year-old son pops in with his first tat­too.

When her hubby asks if it hurt, the mum tells how she in­ter­rupted with, “It does, very much”.

That’s how shat­tered she was by a few splat­ters of ink on his shoul­der.

“I feel as if some­one has died,” she sobs.

“I keep think­ing of his skin, his precious skin, inked like a pig car­cass.”

Ob­vi­ously she’s mad. Have a cup of tea and a sit. It’s okay. It’s hardly a meth ad­dic­tion.

This weepy bat­tleaxe’s story is a re­minder: here’s what a crap par­ent looks like.

If you’re so dev­as­tated by your chil­dren do­ing things you

‘‘ Have a cup of tea and a sit – it’s okay. It’s hardly a meth ad­dic­tion. "

wouldn’t do, you prob­a­bly should have had a pet, not a son.

We want our chil­dren to be kind, and to be happy, not a car­bon copy of our­selves.

If my daugh­ter grows up like her dad, she’ll go through a hi­lar­i­ously stupid phase where she takes her­self too se­ri­ously and pierces some­thing. If she grows up like her mother, she’ll be stub­born, ob­sti­nate and en­tirely right all the time.

And I will know that I’ve done an okay job, with or with­out the big, ugly tatt.

PHOTO: THINKSTOCK

◗ Se­ri­ously, you don’t need to be left in tat­ters if your precious child comes home with a tat­too.

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