7 things con­fi­dent women do in bed

Cosmopolitan (Australia) - - Contents -

Embrace vi­bra­tors

Sex isn’t just about pleas­ing the guy (duh!) so if you need a lit­tle more ful­fil­ment down there, don’t be em­bar­rassed about in­tro­duc­ing a help­ing hand – the bat­tery­op­er­ated type. ‘If you sense your guy might be a lit­tle hes­i­tant about it, start with some­thing small like a cli­toral vi­bra­tor,’ says Dr Goldstein. ‘Then ex­plain to him how much bet­ter this is go­ing to make you feel. Own it. Tell him that by just adding it to your reper­toire, you’ll scream your head off and gush to the other side of the room. He isn’t go­ing to deny you that.’

Get on top

We all know what hap­pens when we bend over – our stom­ach rolls can mul­ti­ply and our boobs hang out. But a con­fi­dent woman doesn’t give a fly­ing f*ck. Why? Be­cause the grind feels so damn good. ‘What­ever the

un­flat­ter­ing po­si­tion might be – on top or dog­gie – if you en­joy it but avoid it be­cause you’re wor­ried about what a man thinks about your body, then don’t – I can as­sure you he isn’t fo­cus­ing on it. All he’s think­ing is, Yes! I’m hav­ing sex right now. Tak­ing charge and do­ing the po­si­tions you want – that’s con­fi­dence,’ says Dr Goldstein.

Dress up

For­get be­ing a French maid or a naughty nurse – in­stead, splurge a lit­tle and in­vest in some sexy lingerie. Noth­ing screams ‘I’m ready for a night of pas­sion’ like a slinky bra and undies combo. ‘So many women say to me, “Oh, I feel like an id­iot dress­ing up,” but you shouldn’t. Show­ing your­self off in some­thing sexy is a great con­fi­dence builder,’ says Dr Goldstein.

Put on some porn

Raise your hand if you en­joy a good soft­core porn ses­sion. Go on, don’t be shy. Us too! It turns out heaps of us like watch­ing it dur­ing solo play but shy away from the screen when it comes to get­ting our part­ner in­volved too. ‘Women worry about their part­ner be­ing turned on by a woman on screen who might be more toned or more “at­trac­tive” than them. But if porn turns you on, feel con­fi­dent enough to in­tro­duce it into the bed­room every now and then,’ says Dr Goldstein. It could in­spire a whole new set of moves and po­si­tions. Win!

Stop com­par­ing your­self to the ex

A con­fi­dent woman knows her worth, so take a leaf out of her book and stop wor­ry­ing about who came be­fore you (lit­er­ally). ‘It’s hard not to go to the place where you think, What was their sex life like? Was she bet­ter than me? ’ says Dr Goldstein. ‘If you must, ac­knowl­edge it, own it and let it go. Ask­ing your part­ner for val­i­da­tion is ask­ing them to de­grade their pre­vi­ous part­ner, and we don’t want to be talk­ing smack about other women. In­stead, just re­mem­ber that if their sex and re­la­tion­ship were a bet­ter match than yours, they’d still be to­gether – and they’re not.’

Lube up

Con­trary to pop­u­lar male be­lief, we don’t drip like a tap the sec­ond some­one touches us. So rather than bit­ing your tongue through painful sex, take charge from the start and lube up. ‘There’s still so much stigma around women us­ing lube, but there shouldn’t be,’ in­sists Dr Goldstein. ‘We want to en­joy our­selves just as much as our male coun­ter­part, and that in­volves be­ing wet. Us­ing it is a sign of some­one hugely con­fi­dent be­cause they’re stand­ing up for their sex­ual plea­sure.’ Plus you can pick your flavour!


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