Ask him any­thing

Cosmopolitan (Australia) - - Contents -

Q: SOS! My fi­ancé has awe­some style when he shops for him­self. But all the gifts he picks out for me are hideous. How do I tell him?

A: You don’t. Hate to say it, but the thought does count – and he is try­ing – so crit­i­cis­ing his un­for­tu­nate taste will just come across as un­grate­ful. In­stead, steer him to­wards bet­ter choices. In the lead­up to hol­i­days and birth­days, drop ob­vi­ous hints like giant bread­crumbs he can pick up as he hunts for presents: ‘I wish I had a nice wal­let… Chance the Rap­per is com­ing to town, but the tick­ets are so ex­pen­sive… You know what’s un­der­rated? Gift cards. No­body ever gets me gift cards any­more…’ Un­less he’s to­tally obliv­i­ous (be warned, he may very well be), he should get the mes­sage. Q:

I SLEPT WITH THIS GUY AF­TER A FEW GREAT DATES, THEN OUR NEXT MEET-UP FELT LIKE A BOOTY CALL. CAN I GET HIM TO PUR­SUE ME MORE SE­RI­OUSLY AGAIN? A:

If he doesn’t want any­thing deep, you can’t force him to get real. And try­ing is usu­ally just a big waste of time. How­ever, you can be clear about your own ex­pec­ta­tions. Next time you talk to him, pro­pose a proper date that can’t be con­fused with a last­minute sex re­quest, like meet­ing be­fore the sun goes down at some place other than a bar. Then be blunt about what you’re af­ter: ‘I know we’re just get­ting to know each other, but I’m look­ing for more than a ca­sual hookup. Are you?’

LOVE AD­VICE FROM OUR GUY GURU, LO­GAN HILL

Q:

THE GUY I’M SEE­ING IS SO CHATTY OVER TEXT, BUT TO­TALLY CLAMS UP IN PER­SON. IS THERE A WAY TO DRAW THE MORE TALK­A­TIVE VER­SION OF HIM OUT OF HID­ING? A:

Only more IRL in­ter­ac­tions will tell. Some guys are shy and need a while to get com­fort­able and loosen up in front of some­one. Oth­ers are noth­ing but thumbs: su­per ex­pres­sive and en­gag­ing via text, but not so much when they’re face to face. Give him a few more dates to set­tle in and show you who he re­ally is. And in the mean­time, keep tex­ting – your backand-forth ban­ter is def­i­nitely help­ing.

Q.

MY BF AND I HAVE BEEN TO­GETHER FOR THREE YEARS, BUT WE HAVEN’T SAID ‘I LOVE YOU’. IS THAT WEIRD?

A.

That’s a long time. If you love him, you should say so! He could sim­ply be ner­vous to say it first. Or it’s pos­si­ble he’s not there yet. If that’s the case, wouldn’t you rather know now than in­vest more time won­der­ing? Q: Does my hubby re­ally not no­tice when he ad­justs him­self in public? He does it all the time, and it’s so em­bar­rass­ing!

A: Nope. He’s act­ing on pure an­i­mal in­stinct, like a ba­boon scratch­ing his arse. You have to call him out in or­der to alert him to this. Say some­thing that sends a mes­sage loud and clear, as in: ‘Babe, the whole room just saw you ad­just your­self! I know your pants can barely con­tain your mas­sive man­hood, but can you please act like you weren’t raised in the jun­gle?’ That may in­spire him to be a bit more dis­creet when it comes to re­ar­rang­ing in front of oth­ers. Q:

MY GUY FRIEND TELLS OTHER DUDES WHO HIT ON ME THAT I’M TAKEN, YET HE SAYS TO ME THAT HE JUST WANTS TO BE BUDS. WHAT GIVES?

A:

I’ve known guys to run in­ter­fer­ence like this for at least three rea­sons: One is broth­erly love. He doesn’t think these dudes are good enough for you, so he’s act­ing all pro­tec­tive. Two, he has a se­cret crush. He wants you but can’t ad­mit it – maybe not even to him­self. Three, he’s pos­ses­sive. He doesn’t want to be your boyfriend but still wants to be the only man in your life. None of these mo­ti­va­tions are ac­cept­able be­cause he’s butting in without your per­mis­sion. Tell him to knock it off. It’s your right (and only yours) to shoot guys down… or pick them up.

Q: I don’t talk to my ex, but he keeps writ­ing our special song lyrics in his In­sta­gram cap­tions. Is this an in­vite to get back to­gether?

A: Um… who cares? Se­ri­ously, even if this is his vague, odd and in­di­rect way of reach­ing out, you don’t want to be with a guy who’s so pas­sive ag­gres­sive that

you’re not even sure if he wants you back. If he’s look­ing to be with you, he should man up and stop play­ing so­cial­me­dia games. Hold out for a DM or phone call be­fore giv­ing this guy an­other thought.

‘I HOPE THIS ISN’T A PLAYS­TA­TION CON­TROLLER AGAIN…’

ER… YOU RE­ALLY BE­LIEVE THIS GUY ‘JUST WANTS TO BE BUDS’?

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