How to keep THE WE IN WED­DING

Mar­riage is all about the art of com­pro­mise – and it be­gins long be­fore you say ‘I do’. Here’s how to avoid a bust-up by find­ing a happy mid­dle ground

Cosmopolitan Bride (Australia) - - THE DETAILS -

The en­gage­ment pe­riod can be the most joy­ous of oc­ca­sions, but if you don’t tread care­fully it can also be a mine­field of hot top­ics that can trig­ger big blowouts – and we’re not talk­ing about the dance-’til-5am type. Here are the most con­tentious is­sues among en­gaged cou­ples – and how to solve them. You can thank us later.

LO­CA­TION

He wants an in­ti­mate beach ’do and you want a lav­ish ball­room af­fair, but sadly, you can’t have both so you’re go­ing to have to com­pro­mise. If you’re butting heads over the venues, the best thing to do is write down ev­ery qual­ity you de­sire and get your fi­ancé to do the same. Once you’ve done that, com­pare and con­trast the most im­por­tant ones to you both. Now, search for lo­ca­tions that have those qual­i­ties.

WED­DING AT­TIRE

If your groom wants a cer­tain suit colour or style for the wed­ding, and you don’t, you’re go­ing to have to try loos­en­ing the reins a bit. Re­mem­ber, it’s just as much his day as it is yours and you cer­tainly don’t want him feel­ing un­com­fort­able through­out it.

So, un­less he wants to slip on a Wig­gles skivvy for your black­tie soiree, let him choose what he likes to wear and give him a say in his grooms­men’s out­fits. He didn’t in­sist on a cer­tain type of gown for you, did he? If you’re re­ally con­cerned, let him know it’s im­por­tant to you and sug­gest colours you know will com­ple­ment him and your theme.

GUEST LIST

If you’re squab­bling over seats, try the bat­tletested rule of thirds: a third of the guests for your fam­ily, a third for his and a third re­served for both of your friends. While this won’t al­ways work out neatly, it’s a fair start­ing point. It can get a bit more com­pli­cated if one fam­ily is foot­ing the bill, but the rule should still ap­ply. How­ever, if one fam­ily wants to pay more to have a few ex­tra guests – and they’re peo­ple you like – that should be al­lowed, granted your venue can ac­com­mo­date.

DECOR

The best way to find com­mon ground is to ‘marry’ your dif­fer­ing ideas on flo­ral ar­range­ments, colour schemes, wed­ding favours or fur­ni­ture. Of course, you’ll have to take care to avoid any ma­jor clashes in style, but blend­ing your likes can make your decor and per­son­al­i­ties stand out for all the right rea­sons.

BUD­GET

This can be any­thing from what your bud­get should be, to how the money is be­ing di­vided. Again, make a list of pri­or­i­ties and write down what’s most im­por­tant to you and your part­ner and see where you agree. The rest? Well, that’s where your com­pro­mis­ing skills re­ally come in. If some­thing is re­ally im­por­tant to you, tell your part­ner why and he’ll most likely loosen his grip. And when roles are re­versed and your groom feels strongly about a cer­tain el­e­ment, al­low the bud­get to bend his way. There are al­ways cheaper – and great – al­ter­na­tives, so try to ex­plore those for the parts you’re less fussed about.

MU­SIC

If he wants a hip-hop playlist and you want a live Latin band, it could make for a tense dis­cus­sion.

But you don’t have to stick to one genre all night! An­other way to deal with dif­fer­ences is to se­lect 10 or so songs you both have to hear and then leave the rest up to your band, DJ or guests. You can even add a note with your in­vite, ask­ing peo­ple to nom­i­nate songs. #

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