How to keep THE WE IN WEDDING
Marriage is all about the art of compromise – and it begins long before you say ‘I do’. Here’s how to avoid a bust-up by finding a happy middle ground
The engagement period can be the most joyous of occasions, but if you don’t tread carefully it can also be a minefield of hot topics that can trigger big blowouts – and we’re not talking about the dance-’til-5am type. Here are the most contentious issues among engaged couples – and how to solve them. You can thank us later.
He wants an intimate beach ’do and you want a lavish ballroom affair, but sadly, you can’t have both so you’re going to have to compromise. If you’re butting heads over the venues, the best thing to do is write down every quality you desire and get your fiancé to do the same. Once you’ve done that, compare and contrast the most important ones to you both. Now, search for locations that have those qualities.
If your groom wants a certain suit colour or style for the wedding, and you don’t, you’re going to have to try loosening the reins a bit. Remember, it’s just as much his day as it is yours and you certainly don’t want him feeling uncomfortable throughout it.
So, unless he wants to slip on a Wiggles skivvy for your blacktie soiree, let him choose what he likes to wear and give him a say in his groomsmen’s outfits. He didn’t insist on a certain type of gown for you, did he? If you’re really concerned, let him know it’s important to you and suggest colours you know will complement him and your theme.
If you’re squabbling over seats, try the battletested rule of thirds: a third of the guests for your family, a third for his and a third reserved for both of your friends. While this won’t always work out neatly, it’s a fair starting point. It can get a bit more complicated if one family is footing the bill, but the rule should still apply. However, if one family wants to pay more to have a few extra guests – and they’re people you like – that should be allowed, granted your venue can accommodate.
The best way to find common ground is to ‘marry’ your differing ideas on floral arrangements, colour schemes, wedding favours or furniture. Of course, you’ll have to take care to avoid any major clashes in style, but blending your likes can make your decor and personalities stand out for all the right reasons.
This can be anything from what your budget should be, to how the money is being divided. Again, make a list of priorities and write down what’s most important to you and your partner and see where you agree. The rest? Well, that’s where your compromising skills really come in. If something is really important to you, tell your partner why and he’ll most likely loosen his grip. And when roles are reversed and your groom feels strongly about a certain element, allow the budget to bend his way. There are always cheaper – and great – alternatives, so try to explore those for the parts you’re less fussed about.
If he wants a hip-hop playlist and you want a live Latin band, it could make for a tense discussion.
But you don’t have to stick to one genre all night! Another way to deal with differences is to select 10 or so songs you both have to hear and then leave the rest up to your band, DJ or guests. You can even add a note with your invite, asking people to nominate songs. #