LIKE THE PROS? GO

Pros and their bikes often seem to be operating as one. It’s a look we all aspire to, but there will always be things the professionals do that you ( probably) shouldn’t…

For UK fans the Tour of Britain is the only race that’s likely to bring your cycling heroes anywhere near your front door, unless you live in Yorkshire or Surrey. It’s inspiring to watch some of the world’s best riders up close, you’ll want to imitate them – after all ‘looking pro’ is one of the key metrics by which all riders are judged by their peers – but we have advice on some of the things you should probably avoid... Jumping into the peloton It’s breathtaking the first time you see a peloton whizz by – like a Lycra-clad murmuration of starlings. The professionals make riding in a large group, at great speed, at close proximity, look easy. But take our word for it, it’s not.

Riding together takes practice, concentration, understanding, quick reflexes and great skill. It doesn’t just ‘happen’. Please don’t let the day you line up for a sportive or a race be the first time you’ve ridden with others. The result will be needlessly daunting and potentially quite dangerous. Instead, get in contact with your local cycling club, who’ll take you out and teach you the basics of group riding.

Crashes aren’t as exciting to be involved in as they are to watch on the television. If you happen to be standing nearby should one occur during the Tour of Britain you’ll see how loud, messy and painful they can be.

Track standing in public Riders generally try to look casually stylish while waiting for the stage to start, something which actually requires a good deal of discipline, but you might spot the odd late-comer ‘track standing’ ahead of the rollout. This is when clipped into the pedals and unsupported, the rider stays upright and stationary on the bike, like a track sprinter. The feat is achieved by rocking back and forth incrementally on the pedals to maintain balance. The pros make it look as easy as falling off a log. It isn’t.

Learning to track stand is something you should practise by yourself, in a padded environment, for about 10 years. Don’t, whatever you do, attempt it for the first time in front of a large group of people. This will turn into one of those hugely embarrassing moments you’d prefer not to talk about. If you try to just ‘have a go’ at track standing, you will hit the tarmac. Wearing a skinsuit outside of a time trial If you’re a professional rider, what you wear is vital. An aero skinsuit can shave precious fractions of a second off your time in a bunch sprint, and get you to the line hundredths of a second ahead of your rival – see Marcel Kittel and Edvald Boasson Hagen from stage seven of this year’s Tour de France. But is that technology necessary if sprinting to the next coffee shop is the height of competition for you?

JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN BUY YOURSELF A SLINKY SUIT, IT DOESN’T NECESSARILY MEAN YOU SHOULD...

Yes, it’s possible to buy a skinsuit just like the one Froome wears when he time trials, and yes, more and more pros are wearing them for flat races and stages. But, just because you can buy yourself a slinky suit, it doesn’t necessarily mean you should. Our advice is not to bother, especially if you’re planning to wear it on a trip to the shops for some milk… Peeingonthemove We all pee, even the professionals do it! If you’re a pro, in the saddle for

IT’S BEEN KNOWN FOR PROS TO SIMPLY WET THEMSELVES. WE STRONGLY URGE YOU NOT TO TRY THESE TECHNIQUES

eight hours, constantly topping up your hydration, you’re going to need to relieve yourself. Early in a stage the riders might stop by the side of the road to water the plants, but this is a rare luxury. For that reason many (male) pros have mastered the art of lowering their shorts and peeing while in the saddle. This is a hugely difficult feat. The balance required is immense, and to be anywhere but at the back of the group would be the ultimate in poor form. If the race is truly on, it’s been known for pros to simply wet themselves.

We strongly urge you not to try either of these techniques. The pros are in a race and cannot stop but, frankly, the rest of us can. If you try to pee over the top of your shorts while riding, there’s a good chance you’ll be arrested for indecent exposure. The excuse of: “But Officer, it’s what [insert name of your favourite rider here] does!” won’t wash. Talking of washing, wetting yourself isn’t a good idea either: everyone wants a yellow jersey, but yellow shorts are not a good look. Descending on the top-tube This is when professionals, to increase speed downhill, take a super-aero position. The stance sees the rider sliding forward from the saddle, tucking the head low by the handlebar and resting their crotch on the bike’s frame. It’s a pose that can win vital seconds when travelling downhill and was made famous by Chris Froome, one of a few cyclists who also pedal in this position.

WE’VE NO DOUBT IT’LL MAKE YOU GO FAST BUT IT MIGHT BE IN AN AMBULANCE ON THE WAY TO HOSPITAL

Considering the state of British roads, and their narrow, twisting nature, it’s probably best not to try this yourself. We’ve no doubt it’ll make you go fast – but it might be in an ambulance on the way to hospital. The top-tube position is hugely unstable and only the most skilled of riders can pull it off, and even they use it only on long, straight sections where they have a clear view of what’s ahead.

Unclipping your right foot first

Most major cycle races take place on the continent where, as you know, they ride on the right-hand side of the road. You’ll probably notice that professional riders unclip the right foot first as a result – when they’re out training the kerb is usually on that side of their body. You’ll even see them do this during the Tour of Britain – where we ride on the left – out of habit.

It’s a subtle way of showing (or pretending) that you often race on the continent too. If you don’t, and you’re not a pro, and are cycling in Britain, it’s better to unclip the left foot first. The left is the side where your foot finds the safety of the pavement, and it eliminates the danger of picking up a fourth cat tattoo from your drivetrain… Nothing looks less pro than that.

Taking a sticky bottle

Taking a ‘sticky bottle’ refers to riders, needing to re-join the peloton, being towed by the team car as they pretend to take a water bottle from their team director. The rules say cyclists shouldn’t be pulled by the team vehicle, but they can be handed a water bottle from it. So, in a cheeky move, staff pass a bidon to the rider very slowly (as if it’s sticky and neither can let go) meaning the rider is towed during the handover.

Being pulled along behind a car is one of the dafter things a cyclist can do. Even though the professionals do it, they probably shouldn’t, and besides, their driver is very experienced at towing cyclists. Is yours? You’ll cause an accident and will end up looking like Frank Spencer not Marty McFly!

Dropping litter

On the Tour of Britain, as in all pro races, professionals eat and drink in the saddle – to stay hydrated and keep blood sugar levels high enough to avoid the dreaded bonk – then throw wrappers, food, bidons and musettes off to the side of the road. If you’re standing in the right place, you might pick up a souvenir (a pair of Oakleys if you were standing in the right place on the Col d’Izoard when Team Sky’s Micha¯ Kwiatkowski decided he didn’t want his any more at the Tour de France). Don’t copy them! If they aren’t grabbed by nearby fans, unwanted items are discarded in specially designated places that are later cleaned up by race organisers.

If you drop rubbish as you ride it’s just littering, pure and simple, and it gives all cyclists a bad name. That cycling shorts don’t have pockets really isn’t an excuse, your jersey will usually have at least three. Failing that, put your rubbish into an empty bidon and take it home.

Standing on the podium

In the Tour of Britain, at the end of a stage, the fastest professionals stand on a podium, where they’re presented with flowers, trophies and jerseys. It’s a great moment to bask in a bit of glory.

Please don’t, whatever you do, copy this at home. Erecting a podium in your front garden and getting your gran to give you flowers after every ride is just plain weird. It won’t endear you to the neighbours or improve the image of cyclists generally.

That said, if you must do this, please take a photo and send it in to Cycling Plus!