DON­ALD TRUMP CAN SUCK MY DICK!

DNA Magazine - - DNA PROFILE -

In fight mode, Kathy Grif­fin is a thing of beauty and ter­ror. Her re­fusal to play nice and be po­lite leads to dark places – like the de­cap­i­tated Trump pic­ture that saw her aban­doned by Hol­ly­wood and TV net­works. But the furore has in­spired her cur­rent world tour, Laugh Your Head Off, and she’s ready to roar. In­ter­view by An­drew Creagh.

DNA: Wel­come to the DNA in­ter­view!

Kathy Grif­fin: I’m so ex­cited to be talk­ing to you be­cause I was just think­ing… if only I knew some­one who could tell me where to find pictures of hot gay guys. I love your web­site menu. It goes from Men to Not Safe For Work-ish. Ish! I’m also Not Safe For Work-ish. I should get that tat­tooed on my body. Don­ald Trump has ad­vo­cated vi­o­lence on many oc­ca­sions, and now ap­pears to be con­don­ing new-Nazism and all the vi­o­lence that en­tails. Do you feel you apol­o­gised too soon for the sev­ered head im­age?

Yes. I take it back. In light of all the shit he’s done – es­pe­cially to the LGBT com­mu­nity with this trans­gen­der mil­i­tary ban. That guy can suck my dick and I’m donna go around the world say­ing that. And that whole piece-of-shit fam­ily –not the kid, I’ll leave the kid out of it – but the grown-up sons with their Nazi hair­cuts and, you know, af­ter Char­lottesville, that guy might be an ac­tual Nazi. Fuck him, no. I’m not apol­o­gis­ing for shit. Peo­ple were dy­ing in Houston and he said, “Good luck.” Now look, I’m all about the plebiscite and the gay mar­riage vote. How are you guys feel­ing about it? It’s a shit fight but it’s one we have to have and we’re feel­ing re­ally pos­i­tive about all the sup­port we’re get­ting.

I know we aren’t loving Mal­colm Turn­bull right now but we have to give him credit for mak­ing fun of Trump.

Any other world lead­ers you’d like to de­cap­i­tate? There are many I have is­sues with but here in the States we’re learn­ing what a klep­toc­racy is, what an au­thor­i­tar­ian gov­ern­ment looks like, what a Fascis­tic gov­ern­ment might look like. I just can’t wait to get to Aus­tralia and tell ev­ery­body we know Trump’s crazy

and how dire and dan­ger­ous this is and we’re kinda screwed. But, comed­i­cally, I will take him on.

That fight has al­ready started, hasn’t it?

Never in the his­tory of this coun­try has a sit­ting pres­i­dent used his power, the au­thor­ity of the Oval Of­fice, his fam­ily and the Depart­ment Of Jus­tice to put a fe­male Amer­i­can co­me­dian un­der a fed­eral in­ves­ti­ga­tion and, yes, I’m ab­so­lutely im­ply­ing that he went for me be­cause I’m a fe­male and over 50. I have to get out there and tell my story. Luck­ily, a lot of it is funny.

We’ve seen you in tears at a press con­fer­ence. It’s hard to imag­ine how there’s much that’s funny about the sit­u­a­tion?

Well… I got a consolation note from Billy Bush.

Er, what did it say?

That I should try med­i­ta­tion. I’m sure he was try­ing to be nice but, look, I don’t grab pussy. I wasn’t on a bus with the fu­ture pres­i­dent say­ing, yeah, let’s go grab some pussy. So I don’t want to be in the Billy Bush bas­ket.

Trump has made Aus­tralians watch Amer­i­can pol­i­tics closer than ever. Do you think his pres­i­dency has turned pol­i­tics into en­ter­tain­ment?

Yeah, and I think it’s dis­gust­ing. We, Amer­i­cans, know that we’re un­der the mi­cro­scope and are realising that we need to pay more at­ten­tion, too. Part of the rea­son I take back my apol­ogy is be­cause I don’t think a lot of Amer­i­cans knew how bad he was go­ing to be. He brags about a lot of things that he hasn’t ac­tu­ally done, be­cause he lies all the time, but of the things he has done…

Like what?

Like, for no rea­son, par­don­ing Sher­iff Joe Ar­paio, a man who ba­si­cally ran sanc­tioned in­tern­ment camps in Ari­zona and was con­victed of a fed­eral crime – con­victed – and Trump put me un­der fed­eral in­ves­ti­ga­tion for two months be­cause he didn’t like that I made a pic­ture that em­bar­rassed him. You should be watch­ing us! There’s a lot of pol­i­tics go­ing on here [in the USA] and we’re do­ing a lot of things for the first time. No one thought that some­one this nuts could get in – he lost by nearly three mil­lion votes.

You have a great re­la­tion­ship with the gays, how do you think the gays are feel­ing in Trump’s USA? Women have never been more fright­ened and the LGBT com­mu­nity has never been more fright­ened and Trump and his cronies like that. Trump is at­tack­ing the LGBT com­mu­nity for no rea­son other than to ap­peal to his base of psy­chos. That’s not go­ing to stand on my watch. I’m 56 years old so I don’t give a fuck any­more. Af­ter what I’ve been through with the Pres­i­dent and the Feds and his sons com­ing af­ter me con­stantly on tele­vi­sion ev­ery fuck­ing day…

Peo­ple are ques­tion­ing his state of mind.

He’s crazy. He’s lost his mind and he’s prob­a­bly a Nazi – in The White House. Ev­ery day he takes ac­tions to hurt peo­ple. He doesn’t know what the Paris Ac­cord is. Our coun­try is play­ing catch up now be­cause he doesn’t know what he’s do­ing. And he’s got this cult-like fol­low­ing, the De­plorables… these peo­ple made death threats against me and my 97-year-old mother in her re­tire­ment vil­lage, and my sis­ter who’s go­ing through chemo­ther­apy. These se­ri­ous Trump folks are hard­core.

Do you like be­ing on stage?

I love it. I’ll prob­a­bly be do­ing two hours a night. I’m so ex­cited. I can’t wait to hit the stage in Aus­tralia. I fuck­ing love “the church”, the Opera House. But I’m per­form­ing more in Aus­tralia than I ever have, not just Syd­ney. Be­cause of this photo the Pres­i­dent has made me more fa­mous than I’ve ever been. Louis CK called me and said, “You’re the most fa­mous co­me­dian in the world to­day, you bet­ter make the most of that.” He said, “I would give my right arm to have the act you’re gonna have af­ter this or­deal.” I have it now and I’m ready to talk.

Is do­ing stand-up a lib­er­at­ing ex­pe­ri­ence?

It is. The nice thing about stand-up is that I don’t need a net­work ex­ec­u­tive or a stu­dio ex­ec­u­tive or any of these mid­dle-aged, ugly white guys who’ve been telling me my whole life that I’m not pretty enough, not fuck­able enough… I don’t need their per­mis­sion to do it. As long as I can sell tick­ets. Jerry Lewis just died. He was an old misog­y­nist who didn’t think women should do com­edy… did he mean any­thing to you?

Guys like that, I just give them a pass be­cause of their age. I’ve spent my whole ca­reer deal­ing with sex­ism and misog­yny, work­ing out how to over­come it, find­ing ways around it. Even in this day and age peo­ple think there’s gen­der equal­ity – there’s noth­ing re­sem­bling it. Not in my busi­ness, any­way. There aren’t that many fe­male co­me­di­ans who are 56 years old and just out there do­ing it. Let’s play Kill, Marry, Fuck: Chris Hemsworth, Chris Pine, Chris Pratt.

I’m gonna kill Thor. He’s got too many kids. If I’m go­ing to start a new re­la­tion­ship it’s gotta be just the two of us. I’m gonna fuck the younger brother just to piss off Mi­ley. And I’ll marry the last guy, Chris Pratt from Guardians Of The Galaxy. I’ll marry him be­cause he’s sin­gle now. I know him. He’s been to my house.

Are you neigh­bours?

No, but I hap­pen to live next door to Kim Kar­dashian and Kanya Kar­dashian-West. They’ve come over. We wave across the fence. My mum babysat the kids and they put it on In­sta­gram and now she’s a mini celebrity.

What do you think makes a man sexy?

Well, speak­ing as a wo­man whose boyfriend is 18 years younger – and don’t you dare judge me…

We would not judge you. You go, girl!

That’s right! This cougar will roar. What makes a man sexy? You’re gonna laugh… if you can get your­self a gen­uine, hon­est, nice guy that’s it. That’s sexy. Now let me amend it for the DNA reader… he bet­ter have a six-pack and if he eats one carb I’m gonna punch him in the face! And if I have to shave his back my­self I will. If I could be a gay man I’d be a bear so I could eat more. I’m more of an ot­ter.

MORE: Kathy Grif­fin’s Laugh Your Head Off Tour. Go to KathyGrif­fin.com or live­na­tion.com.au

(TOP) THE LAUGH YOUR HEAD OFF TOUR POSTER,

IN­SPIRED BY THE TRUMP PIC.

(ABOVE) THE TEAR­FUL PRESS CON­FER­ENCE FOL­LOW­ING TRUMP’S DEPART­MENT OF JUS­TICE RE­TAL­I­A­TION.

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