Dramz with the ex? We got you.
“My ex-bf is totally clingy and won’t leave me alone.”
ARIANA SAYS: Is there anything worse than a clingy ex?! Even though he’s annoying you, be kind and meet up with him for a coffee or after-school chat to let him express his feelings for you. When you catch up, make it clear that your relationship has ended and that you need a little space, and maybe after some time you two can be friends. KIM SAYS: It’s hard to know what the boundaries are, especially when you’re used to being so close. Usually one person ends up wanting more, which is what sounds like is happening here. Let him know where you stand and how you feel. The other thing you can do is look at how you act with him – do you do anything to encourage his clinginess? Perhaps there is something you can do to put some obvious space between the two of you.
“I’m into my ex’s friend!”
ARIANA SAYS: Remember, it’s pretty much girl code to never date a bestie’s ex, and the same goes for guys too – so your ex-boyfriend’s pal might be wary of ‘going there’ with you. Be sure that you’re not just pretending to be into his friend to try to hurt your ex’s feelings. If you’re really into him, it could be worth a shot – just tread carefully. JOSIE SAYS: I once fell for my ex’s mate, and I think my feelings were amplified because I saw them both at school every day! You have to assess the situation and see whether it’s worth hurting your ex and ruining his friendship over. If you really can’t stop thinking about his friend and you’re getting the same ~vibes~ from him, you both need to talk about how to proceed. Otherwise (and this is what I did) just wait for the feelings to pass. After all, there are plenty of goodlooking fish in the sea!
“I still have feelings for my ex, but he’s already moved on.”
JOSIE SAYS: This is seriously the most awful feeling. It’s scary how the second you hear your ex is seeing someone else you suddenly feel unattractive and worthless. You compare yourself to her and wonder what she has that you don’t – but this is a dangerous trap to fall into. So he couldn’t see what an incredible person you are – that just means there is someone more worthy out there for you. KIM SAYS: Although you know he’s moved on, you hold onto that glimmer of hope and it can be really hard to let go. Unfortunately, the only thing that’s going to help is time. Start focusing on you, your friends and the things you love to do. Keep yourself busy and, if you’re feeling brave enough, take some time to meet new people. The more new experiences you allow yourself to have right now, the easier it will become.
“My ex is talking about me to his friends behind my back.”
KIM SAYS: He’s only talking about you because he still has feelings for you in some way, so use that to your advantage and ignore him; soon enough, people will realise he’s still into you and you are over him. Unfortunately, you can’t stop someone else from doing or saying what they want, so it’s best just to focus on you. It’s time to put this guy – and his friends – behind you once and for all.
ARIANA SAYS: What a real Prince Charming! This kind of sitch calls for you to take the high road – never stoop to his level! Of course you’ll feel anger, frustration and pain because he has betrayed you, but just acknowledge these feelings and let them go. What he says about you doesn’t matter. Don’t give him the validation he seeks by showing that it’s tearing you down. Gossip is only gossip.
“I have a new BF and my parents keep comparing him to my ex, who they loved.”
ARIANA SAYS: This happened to my best friend and, oddly enough, her parents still see her ex – years later! Ugh, awks. If your folks are doing the same thing, gently remind them that if they approved of your past choices, they should be confident with your new ones, and in this case that means a new BF. Let them know that you’ve moved on and kindly ask them to jump on the same bandwagon. KIM SAYS: Parents can be so frustrating when they forget it’s your life, not theirs. The best thing you can do right now is sit down with them and have a serious conversation. Be the adult in the situation and politely let them know how their behaviour is making you feel. If they see you taking a mature approach, they will have no choice but to take you seriously. Let them know how important it is that they open up and give your new guy a go.
“My best friend keeps saying ‘I told you he was a loser!’”
ARIANA SAYS: We’ve all had that ‘I told you so’ friend in our lives, and they usually come out with it at the worst times. Pretty sure you don’t want to hear that the person you dated turned out to be loser – like, hello, possibly why we broke up in the first place! Just speak to your BFF and make a joke of it. Play it off and say “Yes, you told me so – he was, so let’s move on”. JOSIE SAYS: Just because you’ve broken up with someone doesn’t mean you have to hate them afterwards. Feelings still remain – relationships are complicated like that, but it’s a bit more black and white for your bestie. She loves you and he wasn’t right for you, so she’s just reacting in that protective best friend way. Just remind her you’re feeling a little vulnerable right now and that she’s not really helping.