Every bat­tle ends with you smack­ing up a pinata mod­elled on Lord Box­man, its can­died guts grant­ing you XP in three cat­e­gories: strength, speed and cool. Pay­outs are modest, with even a long, stylish fight yield­ing an im­per­cep­ti­ble chunk of a level-up bar that takes an age to fill. You can chivvy things along a lit­tle by pur­chas­ing items that grant an au­to­mat­i­cally ap­plied mul­ti­plier to one stat in your next fight. While fine in the­ory, in prac­tice it doesn’t re­ally work; your next bat­tle might be against a cou­ple of weedy en­e­mies with a poor pay­out. And even if your luck’s in, the re­ward still feels miserly. Crinkly Wrinkly, a wiz­ened old NPC, re­calls the hal­cyon days of his youth thus: “In my day, stat boost­ers were frowned upon.” They still are, old stick.

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