Every battle ends with you smacking up a pinata modelled on Lord Boxman, its candied guts granting you XP in three categories: strength, speed and cool. Payouts are modest, with even a long, stylish fight yielding an imperceptible chunk of a level-up bar that takes an age to fill. You can chivvy things along a little by purchasing items that grant an automatically applied multiplier to one stat in your next fight. While fine in theory, in practice it doesn’t really work; your next battle might be against a couple of weedy enemies with a poor payout. And even if your luck’s in, the reward still feels miserly. Crinkly Wrinkly, a wizened old NPC, recalls the halcyon days of his youth thus: “In my day, stat boosters were frowned upon.” They still are, old stick.