But why wait? Why not tell him now? Why not recognise that he’s just a fragile, selfish, thoughtless, rather silly fellow who probably doesn’t even know that if you enjoy sex, he’ll enjoy more sex? Why give up years of delicious, teeth-grinding pleasure because you’re afraid to speak up? He can take it. Tell him the truth, straight out.
DEAR E JEAN, I’m 25 and fortunate enough to have been given a not-insignificant amount of money by my family. I have a great job that pays my bills and I live a pretty normal life – my friends know I’m comfortable, but they don’t know how comfortable. I’ve been looking for a new apartment, and I’m considering buying instead of renting. I can easily afford the deposit with the money I’ve inherited, and a mortgage payment would be just slightly more than what I pay in rent. I want to put down roots, have my own place and be able to really feel at home, not to mention make a great investment. But I’m worried this will alienate me from my friends and boyfriend, who are in their mid-twenties and just making ends meet. I’m also worried that 25 is too young to be making such a huge commitment. Should I buy a place of my own or put it off for a few years? – Big Decision MISS BIG, MY BEGONIA The tragedy of your dilemma is not that you’re too young to buy an apartment, but that you’re too old. You could have started investing even sooner. Buy it! Your friends and boyfriend already know you’re well off and still love you, so just let Auntie E know where to send the house-warming gift.
MEETING MR 100 PER CENT RIGHT
DEAR E JEAN, I live in a vibrant city, I have a job that’s stimulating and friends I love, and yet I have trouble meeting men. It’s like I’m caught in a Venn diagram with only a small number of guys in the intersection. I’m an atheist, a feminist and child-free – important qualities a prospective partner must share. I also have an IQ over 140 and would love to find someone just as lucky. I’m open to dating fit men (they should be very into exercise) of any race, height, appearance or income. See, I’m very reasonable about some things! The icing on the cake: I’m into many forms of non-vanilla sex. Yet this restricts my search even more. Given the crosssection of qualities I’m seeking, what’s your advice? – Empty Venn Diagram VENN, MY VIOLET I know you’re a non-believer, but God herself couldn’t find a chap who fits into this diagram. Get rid of it. The heroic requirements bristling in your letter boil down to just three – which I’ll reveal at the end of this answer. But first, Miss Venn, let us turn to the real question: who is more successful at finding love? Women with long lists of romantic requirements or women with short lists? I decided to analyse the data from Tawkify, the matchmaking company that I co-founded. The results: looking at more than 1,000 dates (evening strolls, polo matches, picnics, wine tastings, etc) over the course of a month, the women who stipulated eight or fewer requirements for potential mates enjoyed nearly three times the success of women who listed between nine and 34 requirements. (Here, “success” is defined as both people on the date wanting to see each other again.)
A chick with an IQ as high as 140 can’t have much difficulty in comprehending why the short-list women tore the long-list women to shreds. A short-lister is open to possibilities. A chap has a chance to captivate a short-lister with attractions she didn’t even know she wanted, and when a woman is captivated, it ignites a powerful fire in a fellow. So, old girl, shall we give a boost to your love life and whittle down that list of yours? I advise you to seek a smart, open-minded guy who will tie you to the shower-curtain rod.