Mum talk, DECODED
“I’ll think about it.”
She means: “I want to talk to your father or other mums before I greenlight this.”
GF advice: Keep your cool while you sweat this one out. TBH it could go either way. The next 24 hours are crucial. We recommend being extra helpful around the house while she’s making her decision. And definitely don’t hassle her! You don’t wanna push it.
“Are you wearing that?”
She means: “I wish you were wearing a pretty dress instead of a 5SOS tee and denim cut-offs.”
GF advice: When it comes to your personal style, you do you. Just make sure you actually are dressed appropriately for the occasion. For example, if it’s a fam wedding, then you do need to wear a fancy outfit. But a fam BBQ? Denim for days!
“He didn’t deserve you.” “We’ll see...”
She means: “I’m going to say yes... unless you give me a reason to say no.”
GF advice: You got this in the bag unless you really screw up. It’s time to toe the line, cause you want the “we’ll see” to take its natural course to a “yes!”. She means: “I’m so glad you broke up. I always hated him.” GF advice: Any details you spill to your mum when you’re having this heart-to-heart will be emblazoned onto her brain forever. So if you ever mention him again she will say, “What about the time he didn’t call you for two days?” or “Remember how he said he preferred your friend’s formal dress?” You might be mad as hell now or totally devastated, but if you get back together just be aware she’ll never forget. That being said, if you dumped him, you did it for a reason, and if he dumped you, then your mum is right – he didn’t deserve you!
“I’m not mad, I’m disappointed.”
She means: “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed.”
GF advice: Oh babes, you really effed up this time. She means what she says and if you think it’s good she’s not mad, you’re wrong. Disappointed is so much worse. You got some serious making up to do.
Sometimes it’s srsly like they have their own language and it’s got you asking, “What do you mean?” more often that Biebs. DW girl, we got you.
“Ask your father.”
She means: “I don’t want to be the bad cop this time, he can deal with it for once.”
GF advice: You’ve got yourself a wild card here and you gotta choose when to play it! If you’ve got a super-strict dad, then you might have no chance. But if your dad is cool, then you need to ask at the perfect moment. Don’t do it when he’s just got home from work, cause he’ll still be stressed out. Offer to go with him down the street on the weekend and when it’s just the two of you, go for it. Fingers crossed!
“I never would’ve done that at your age.”
She means: “You’re in big trouble and I’m trying to reinforce how angry I am.” GF advice: This is a bold-faced lie. She just has to say that. Ask your grandparents and they’ll spill all the dirty details on your mum’s naughtiest moments as a teen. But also, you’re in pretty big trouble if she’s pulling out that line. Apologise and make sure you don’t do it again!