Mum talk, DECODED

Girlfriend - - GF FEATURES -

“I’ll think about it.”

She means: “I want to talk to your fa­ther or other mums be­fore I green­light this.”

GF ad­vice: Keep your cool while you sweat this one out. TBH it could go ei­ther way. The next 24 hours are cru­cial. We rec­om­mend be­ing ex­tra help­ful around the house while she’s mak­ing her de­ci­sion. And def­i­nitely don’t has­sle her! You don’t wanna push it.

“Are you wear­ing that?”

She means: “I wish you were wear­ing a pretty dress in­stead of a 5SOS tee and denim cut-offs.”

GF ad­vice: When it comes to your per­sonal style, you do you. Just make sure you ac­tu­ally are dressed ap­pro­pri­ately for the oc­ca­sion. For ex­am­ple, if it’s a fam wed­ding, then you do need to wear a fancy out­fit. But a fam BBQ? Denim for days!

“He didn’t de­serve you.” “We’ll see...”

She means: “I’m go­ing to say yes... un­less you give me a rea­son to say no.”

GF ad­vice: You got this in the bag un­less you re­ally screw up. It’s time to toe the line, cause you want the “we’ll see” to take its nat­u­ral course to a “yes!”. She means: “I’m so glad you broke up. I al­ways hated him.” GF ad­vice: Any de­tails you spill to your mum when you’re hav­ing this heart-to-heart will be em­bla­zoned onto her brain for­ever. So if you ever men­tion him again she will say, “What about the time he didn’t call you for two days?” or “Re­mem­ber how he said he pre­ferred your friend’s for­mal dress?” You might be mad as hell now or to­tally dev­as­tated, but if you get back to­gether just be aware she’ll never for­get. That be­ing said, if you dumped him, you did it for a rea­son, and if he dumped you, then your mum is right – he didn’t de­serve you!

“I’m not mad, I’m dis­ap­pointed.”

She means: “I’m not mad, I’m dis­ap­pointed.”

GF ad­vice: Oh babes, you re­ally effed up this time. She means what she says and if you think it’s good she’s not mad, you’re wrong. Dis­ap­pointed is so much worse. You got some se­ri­ous mak­ing up to do.

Some­times it’s srsly like they have their own lan­guage and it’s got you ask­ing, “What do you mean?” more of­ten that Biebs. DW girl, we got you.

“Ask your fa­ther.”

She means: “I don’t want to be the bad cop this time, he can deal with it for once.”

GF ad­vice: You’ve got your­self a wild card here and you gotta choose when to play it! If you’ve got a su­per-strict dad, then you might have no chance. But if your dad is cool, then you need to ask at the perfect mo­ment. Don’t do it when he’s just got home from work, cause he’ll still be stressed out. Of­fer to go with him down the street on the week­end and when it’s just the two of you, go for it. Fin­gers crossed!

“I never would’ve done that at your age.”

She means: “You’re in big trou­ble and I’m try­ing to re­in­force how an­gry I am.” GF ad­vice: This is a bold-faced lie. She just has to say that. Ask your grand­par­ents and they’ll spill all the dirty de­tails on your mum’s naugh­ti­est mo­ments as a teen. But also, you’re in pretty big trou­ble if she’s pulling out that line. Apol­o­gise and make sure you don’t do it again!

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