I think my boyfriend might be gay?

Girlfriend - - THE DL -

Have a feel­ing that your boyfriend might be into other boys? Here’s how to nav­i­gate your way through this ~del­i­cate~ sitch.

He’s a to­tal dream­boat, he treats you like a queen and he gets along well with your fam and friends. There’s just one nag­ging con­cern in the back of your mind: is he gay? Don’t worry, you’re not weird for think­ing this. In fact, re­search shows that girls tend to be more con­cerned about their boyfriend be­ing gay than they are about them cheat­ing! Be­cause this is an ex­tremely dif­fi­cult sit­u­a­tion for ev­ery­one in­volved, we asked Ash­ley De Silva, deputy CEO of ReachOut, for his ad­vice on suss­ing out your boyfriend’s sex­u­al­ity.

“Even though this is re­ally tough for you, chances are it’s tougher for your boyfriend,” says Ash­ley.

“It’s im­por­tant to think about it from his point of view – be re­spect­ful and sup­port their right to ex­plore their sex­u­al­ity in a safe, con­sen­sual and re­spon­si­ble way.”

Gimme a sign

Let’s clear some­thing up RN. Just be­cause you catch your bf bop­ping along to Camila Ca­bello’s lat­est banger, or he se­cretly en­joys watch­ing Riverdale with you, or he can ap­pre­ci­ate that Shawn Mendes is a good-look­ing dude, that doesn’t make him gay! These lame af stereo­types are so out­dated. Sex­u­al­ity isn’t de­fined by your taste in celebs, movies or music and, the truth is, there are no warn­ing signs.

“There is no ‘se­cret sign’ that some­one is gay,” Ash­ley in­sists.

“The only way to tell is if you have a con­ver­sa­tion about it. How­ever, it’s a very sen­si­tive is­sue, so it’s best to wait un­til your boyfriend raises it with you.”

The mil­lion-dol­lar ques­tion

So you’ve be­come su­per frus­trated and de­cide that it’s time to ask him.

You need to han­dle this con­ver­sa­tion tact­fully and re­spect­fully be­cause while you might be v con­fused about it all, he is just as – if not more – con­fused.

“If you de­cide you need to talk to your boyfriend about it, make sure you do it in a safe place,” says Ash­ley.

“It’s al­ways good to start by say­ing what you’ve no­ticed or how it’s af­fect­ing you. Try us­ing ‘I’ state­ments so it doesn’t sound con­fronta­tional. This gives him a chance to share his side of the story.”

Let’s say you’ve had the con­ver­sa­tion with him and he tells you that he’s gay. First of all, you should con­sider it a com­pli­ment that he felt com­fort­able enough to be hon­est with you! Try to be as un­der­stand­ing and sup­port­ive as pos­si­ble be­cause he may be strug­gling with his sex­u­al­ity for fear of be­ing judged or bul­lied. You also need to re­alise that his be­ing gay has NOTH­ING to do with you. He would’ve started the re­la­tion­ship with you at a time when he was very con­fused and there’s ob­vi­ously some­thing about you he re­ally liked.

“As hard as it is, if your boyfriend does de­cide to come out as gay or bi­sex­ual, this isn’t a re­flec­tion on you in any way,” Ash­ley adds.

“To en­sure you get sup­port for your feel­ings, find some­one you trust to talk to and ask them to keep your con­ver­sa­tions pri­vate.”

And on the bright side – as dif­fi­cult as the sit­u­a­tion may be – af­ter­wards you can move on and find some­one who is 3000 per cent into you!

“It’s al­ways good to start by say­ing what you’ve no­ticed or how it’s af­fect­ing you.”

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