I think my boyfriend might be gay?
Have a feeling that your boyfriend might be into other boys? Here’s how to navigate your way through this ~delicate~ sitch.
He’s a total dreamboat, he treats you like a queen and he gets along well with your fam and friends. There’s just one nagging concern in the back of your mind: is he gay? Don’t worry, you’re not weird for thinking this. In fact, research shows that girls tend to be more concerned about their boyfriend being gay than they are about them cheating! Because this is an extremely difficult situation for everyone involved, we asked Ashley De Silva, deputy CEO of ReachOut, for his advice on sussing out your boyfriend’s sexuality.
“Even though this is really tough for you, chances are it’s tougher for your boyfriend,” says Ashley.
“It’s important to think about it from his point of view – be respectful and support their right to explore their sexuality in a safe, consensual and responsible way.”
Gimme a sign
Let’s clear something up RN. Just because you catch your bf bopping along to Camila Cabello’s latest banger, or he secretly enjoys watching Riverdale with you, or he can appreciate that Shawn Mendes is a good-looking dude, that doesn’t make him gay! These lame af stereotypes are so outdated. Sexuality isn’t defined by your taste in celebs, movies or music and, the truth is, there are no warning signs.
“There is no ‘secret sign’ that someone is gay,” Ashley insists.
“The only way to tell is if you have a conversation about it. However, it’s a very sensitive issue, so it’s best to wait until your boyfriend raises it with you.”
The million-dollar question
So you’ve become super frustrated and decide that it’s time to ask him.
You need to handle this conversation tactfully and respectfully because while you might be v confused about it all, he is just as – if not more – confused.
“If you decide you need to talk to your boyfriend about it, make sure you do it in a safe place,” says Ashley.
“It’s always good to start by saying what you’ve noticed or how it’s affecting you. Try using ‘I’ statements so it doesn’t sound confrontational. This gives him a chance to share his side of the story.”
Let’s say you’ve had the conversation with him and he tells you that he’s gay. First of all, you should consider it a compliment that he felt comfortable enough to be honest with you! Try to be as understanding and supportive as possible because he may be struggling with his sexuality for fear of being judged or bullied. You also need to realise that his being gay has NOTHING to do with you. He would’ve started the relationship with you at a time when he was very confused and there’s obviously something about you he really liked.
“As hard as it is, if your boyfriend does decide to come out as gay or bisexual, this isn’t a reflection on you in any way,” Ashley adds.
“To ensure you get support for your feelings, find someone you trust to talk to and ask them to keep your conversations private.”
And on the bright side – as difficult as the situation may be – afterwards you can move on and find someone who is 3000 per cent into you!
“It’s always good to start by saying what you’ve noticed or how it’s affecting you.”