SHARK­NADO3 (AND FIVE OTHER STUPID FILMS)

Turns out the third Shark­nado in­stal­ment isn’t the cra­zi­est film the Syfy Chan­nel has green-lighted – be­cause who else is go­ing to keep Tara Reid in beer and skit­tles? Here’s their best, worst work. Shark­nado 3: Oh Hell No! airs July 22 on the Syfy Channe

GQ (Australia) - - THE SOURCE -

ANONY­MOUS REX,

2004 Imag­ine a world where di­nosaurs aren’t ex­tinct, they’re sim­ply dis­guised as hu­mans and walk­ing among us. No? Us nei­ther, but with True Blood’s Sam Tram­mell (a se­cret ve­loci­rap­tor) and Daniel Bald­win (a covert tricer­atops) play­ing in­ves­ti­ga­tors, what could pos­si­bly go wrong? Ev­ery­thing.

BATS: HU­MAN HARVEST,

2007 US troops search­ing for a rogue weapons re­searcher in Chech­nya are at­tacked by swarms of ge­net­i­cally-mod­i­fied killer bats. Luck­ily, Delta Force soldier Russo (David Chokachi) is there to save the day. It’s Chokachi’s best work since Bay­watch – though that says more about his ca­reer.

SHARK­TO­PUS, 2010

Ex­actly what you’d ex­pect. A blood­thirsty shark with the ten­ta­cles of an oc­to­pus wreaks havoc on a beach­side com­mu­nity, de­vour­ing as many lo­cals as pos­si­ble. The cred­its are not so much a ‘who’s who’, as a ‘who’s that?’. Eric Roberts from Celebrity Re­hab With Dr Drew, any­one?

JERSEY SHORE SHARK AT­TACK,

2012 Not. Even. Jok­ing. This bas­tard child of MTV’S brain-dead re­al­ity se­ries and, well, a cou­ple of deadly shark at­tacks was clearly meant to cash in on the TV show’s suc­cess. Main char­ac­ters ‘Nooki’ and ‘The Com­pli­ca­tion’ ex­hibit the sort of in­tel­lec­tual level aimed at here.

PI­RAN­HACONDA, 2012

Not a zesty trop­i­cal cock­tail, but a gi­gan­tic, ge­net­i­cally-en­gi­neered snake with the head of a pi­ranha (duh). Cue scream­ing, shoot­ing and the finest spe­cial ef­fects 1995 had to of­fer. Worth see­ing, if only for an es­pe­cially busty ‘per­for­mance’ by Rod Stewart’s ex-mis­sus Rachel Hunter.

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