SHARKNADO3 (AND FIVE OTHER STUPID FILMS)
Turns out the third Sharknado instalment isn’t the craziest film the Syfy Channel has green-lighted – because who else is going to keep Tara Reid in beer and skittles? Here’s their best, worst work. Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! airs July 22 on the Syfy Channe
2004 Imagine a world where dinosaurs aren’t extinct, they’re simply disguised as humans and walking among us. No? Us neither, but with True Blood’s Sam Trammell (a secret velociraptor) and Daniel Baldwin (a covert triceratops) playing investigators, what could possibly go wrong? Everything.
BATS: HUMAN HARVEST,
2007 US troops searching for a rogue weapons researcher in Chechnya are attacked by swarms of genetically-modified killer bats. Luckily, Delta Force soldier Russo (David Chokachi) is there to save the day. It’s Chokachi’s best work since Baywatch – though that says more about his career.
Exactly what you’d expect. A bloodthirsty shark with the tentacles of an octopus wreaks havoc on a beachside community, devouring as many locals as possible. The credits are not so much a ‘who’s who’, as a ‘who’s that?’. Eric Roberts from Celebrity Rehab With Dr Drew, anyone?
JERSEY SHORE SHARK ATTACK,
2012 Not. Even. Joking. This bastard child of MTV’S brain-dead reality series and, well, a couple of deadly shark attacks was clearly meant to cash in on the TV show’s success. Main characters ‘Nooki’ and ‘The Complication’ exhibit the sort of intellectual level aimed at here.
Not a zesty tropical cocktail, but a gigantic, genetically-engineered snake with the head of a piranha (duh). Cue screaming, shooting and the finest special effects 1995 had to offer. Worth seeing, if only for an especially busty ‘performance’ by Rod Stewart’s ex-missus Rachel Hunter.