WHAT’S THAT, OPRAH DIDN’T SOLVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS? WE’RE HERE TO HELP. I WANT TO GET MY BOYFRIEND SOME UNDERWEAR BECAUSE HE’S IN DIRE NEED OF SOME NEW PAIRS. ARE GUYS WEARING BOXERS OR BRIEFS THESE DAYS? JESS, VIA EMAIL GLAD YOU ASKED. WE POLLED GQ HQ, AND RESULTS ARE IN.
MY GIRLFRIEND BLOODY LOVES EMOJIS, BUT I’M NOT A FAN. DOES IT MAKE ME A SPOIL SPORT IF I TEXT WITHOUT THEM? JACOB, VIA EMAIL
Here’s the thing, Jacob: you are a spoilt sport. It’s 2016 and Emoji is an official language in its own right. Shunning the shy monkey or dancing twins does not make you a brave crusader for ‘proper’ communication. It makes you the American tourist visiting Mcdonald’s in Paris, with a ‘Trump for President’ cap on and an obnoxiously-large camera around your neck, shouting too loudly for extra FRIES. They call them frites, you imbecile. Plus, there’s a taco emoji now, so there’s literally no reason to avoid them.