sex on screen
WITH THE HELP OF SEXOLOGIST, DR NIKKI GOLDSTEIN, WE CHART CINEMA’S MOST-WATCHED SEX SCENES TO FIND OUT WHICH ARE LEGIT AND WORTH RE-ENACTING (AS IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY TRIED).
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY – BDSM “Bondage can be enjoyable, but is not an automatic solution to spicing things up. If the idea of dominance and submission sends you wild, then go ahead, but anyone simply giving it a go after the success of the book may be disappointed – like those who watched the film.” Authenticity: 8/10 “Possible if the right intentions are there, but the movie isn’t an instruction manual.” WILD THINGS – IN THE POOL “Welcome to the world of weightlessness – a great place to experiment. The positives are outweighed by the downsides: it can wash away a woman’s natural lubrication; chlorine can also irritate the vagina; with anal sex, lube will wash away, meaning there’s a greater risk of tears and abrasions; you also need to be careful with how much pool water is pumped inside. For women, this can reach the cervix and cause infection, and, with anal, it can disrupt the gastrointestinal tract.” Authenticity: 3/10 “It might look sexy, but actual intercourse in a pool can be difficult and even painful.” AMERICAN PSYCHO – HAVING A THREESOME “All threesomes come with risks. The more people involved, the more emotions you might have to deal with. While these can be a lot of fun, they can also be relationship suicide. The best way to engage in this type of sexual behaviour is if all three people are not romantically linked. Men, if with two women, be aware you might need to get used to juggling two sets of insecurities and emotions. Spend equal time with both and don’t favour one over the other. Also know when to step back a little. Threesomes are often more about two women being together than a man having the pleasure of multiple women, so, if you feel things heat up, let the girls play and be on call to assist.” Authenticity: 7/10 “Enter at your own risk.” BLUE VALENTINE – THE CUNNING LINGUIST “Going down on a woman should not only be seen as an act of giving, but also a sexual turn-on for you – seeing your partner in pleasure and knowing that you caused it. Everyone has different preferences, but understand this: the clitoris has 8000 nerve endings, which is more than men have at the tip of the penis. So start gently, as there’s a risk of overstimulating, be careful of any stubble or facial hair, and incorporate fingers by rubbing the clitoris when your tongue needs a break or insert them to stimulate the g-spot at the same time.” Authenticity: 9/10 “There’s no wrong to this act if done correctly.” SHAME – STANDING “Sex while standing up is about two things – angles and boobs. It comes down to a personal preference and can feel good, but know it also takes some skill and body strength. Also, it might not end up being as sexy as it looks on film, and turn into a stumble-laden session of constantly moving feet and hands while looking for things to hold on to.” Authenticity: 3/10 “What seems sexy often ends up being a logistical nightmare.” TITANIC – IN A CAR “Having sex somewhere other than the bedroom can be that element needed to spice things up. And where do most men have positive emotions? The benefits here are more psychological than physical. It’s somewhere new and can feel a little naughty and risky – though it might take time to work out which position doesn’t bend your back or see a gear stick where it doesn’t belong. Try missionary in the back seat or with her on top either in the back or front. To remain discreet, try foreplay and fondling while both people are passengers.” Authenticity: 10/10 “Who hasn’t had some form of sexual contact in a car, especially in the younger experimental years?” 9½ WEEKS – WITH FOOD “Playing with food during sex can stimulate the senses of taste and smell, and different textures feel good. Be careful of any food products that have sugar in them going inside the vagina, as it can cause a yeast infection. For anal, the biggest thing to look out for is not losing something inside – maintain a good grip on the end. Also, note that any foods with oil in them can break down condoms.” Authenticity: 4/10 “Feeding each other won’t get you going, unless that’s your fetish, but rubbing food over the body can be a turn-on.”