ARE WE HAV­ING SEX OR MAK­ING LOVE?

True love mak­ing is about build­ing love be­tween peo­ple

Great Health Guide - - CONTENTS - Martin Glad­man

Sex is some­thing which is pre­sented to us in many guises, be it in the movies, video clips, pornog­ra­phy, on bill­boards or in mag­a­zines. Through­out our lives we are ex­posed to and ex­pe­ri­ence many dif­fer­ent ideas, rules, dog­mas or per­spec­tives on what sex is and what sex isn’t. De­spite this, our re­la­tion­ship with sex al­ways re­mains some­thing that is very per­sonal to each of us. One of the great­est er­rors of our time though is that we have some­how con­fused the act of sex with the art of mak­ing love, com­bin­ing the two to­gether and rob­bing our­selves of the beauty found in true love mak­ing.

Mak­ing love is an art and I’m not talk­ing about silly poses and strange po­si­tions where one twists and bends their bod­ies. True love mak­ing is much sim­pler, eas­ier and ac­ces­si­ble. It sim­ply means to build love be­tween peo­ple. No phys­i­cal con­tact or in­nu­endo needed, just sim­ply build­ing and de­vel­op­ing care, hon­esty, re­spect, in­ti­macy and joy in our in­ter­ac­tions with peo­ple, be it with our part­ners, friends, fam­ily, col­leagues or just in our thoughts and ac­tions about our­selves and oth­ers.

Our bod­ies crave love, they crave in­ti­macy. So when we have these ‘crav­ings’ or ‘needs’ for sex, we need to stop our­selves and con­sider for a mo­ment what this might hon­estly be about. More of­ten than many of us would like to ad­mit, we use sex to re­lease ten­sion, soothe our lone­li­ness or fill our empti­ness. We could say that sex has be­come a cheap sub­sti­tute for the love and in­ti­macy that we are truly crav­ing but are not choos­ing to bring to our­selves.

A feel­ing that is pure and free from any drama or emo­tion. It comes from deep inside of us. It is a feel­ing we get when we’re cher­ished and sup­ported, when we’re deeply ap­pre­ci­ated and cel­e­brated for who we are. Love is pure. When we don’t feel love or when we’re not letting peo­ple see and feel our love, we can find our­selves feel­ing empty, as if some­thing is miss­ing, be­cause it is. As a re­sult, we look to fill that empty feel­ing from out­side sources and sex is but one of those choices.

So how then can we truly make love? First and fore­most, mak­ing love starts with deeply lov­ing and sup­port­ing our­selves, mak­ing love with our­selves. Love mak­ing starts with mak­ing the con­science and de­lib­er­ate choice to ap­pre­ci­ate, sup­port, love, cher­ish and hon­our our­selves, to make love with our thoughts, our words, our ac­tions and our move­ments. It’s an act of sim­ply choos­ing to

True love mak­ing is about build­ing love be­tween peo­ple. True love mak­ing has noth­ing to do with sex. Sex of course can be part of it, but the act of mak­ing love sim­ply comes from choos­ing to ‘be’ love first with our­selves and then with an­other per­son. Love is not some­thing that we can touch or hold, it is a qual­ity of feel­ing.

‘be’ love, to the best of our abil­ity, in all and any given mo­ment.

Once we’ve mas­tered that, we are able to bring that same love to the peo­ple around us, mak­ing love with ev­ery­one we meet, be it the man or lady at the check­out or with our part­ners, long be­fore we get be­tween the sheets. Be­cause when we’re feel­ing full of our­selves, full of our own love, oth­ers feel that love too and if in that mo­ment they choose to feel their own love then ‘hey presto’, you’ve just made love, to­gether.

So what does this mean for our re­la­tion­ships? And what does this mean for sex? Well, think about it. If you spent ev­ery day con­sciously build­ing love with your­self and then your part­ner, just imag­ine what would hap­pen when you cel­e­brate that love in the bed room. Mak­ing love does won­ders when it comes to ac­tu­ally hav­ing sex.

True love mak­ing hap­pens when we proac­tively choose to build love. The key to hav­ing ex­plo­sive and amaz­ing sex has noth­ing to do with can­dles or emo­tional stares but ev­ery­thing to do with our com­mit­ment to hon­estly build­ing love. It can hap­pen when we’re do­ing the dishes, when we cook, when we walk, talk, think, or sim­ply speak to one an­other. So in­stead of re­liev­ing our­selves of our empti­ness in the bed­room, we can build and then cel­e­brate all of our love, cel­e­brat­ing not only our­selves but each other.

This is how we can truly be­gin to live and make love, by choos­ing it.

Martin Glad­man is a coun­sel­lor, teacher, life coach and com­ple­men­tary ther­a­pist work­ing out of Mel­bourne. Vic­to­ria. Martin has had the plea­sure of sup­port­ing peo­ple of all ages, back­grounds and gen­ders to work through the many chal­lenges which can pre­vent them from liv­ing truly joy­ful and vi­tal lives. Martin has a deep love and com­mit­ment to hu­man­ity, of­fer­ing his ser­vices as a writer and spe­cial­ist to sup­port peo­ple to live, learn, love and be in­spired by life and all that is within it. Martin can be con­tacted through his web­site.

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