BECOME THE PERFECT DATE
Advice on becoming the perfect date
Dating is hard. Sometimes it’s really hard. It can play to your deepest fears and insecurities. Sometimes the couch and a bottle of wine seem so much more appealing than putting yourself out there for scrutiny.
Putting yourself out there and announcing to the world that you are looking for love can make you very vulnerable. Whilst this vulnerability is a necessary part of the process (it increases your attractiveness to potential dates), it does not have to be overwhelming.
By learning to love and appreciate yourself first – before looking for love and appreciation from someone else, you will be in a stronger position to start a great relationship. When you live your best life, you are more attractive to others. So, by investing in yourself, you benefit from a secondary pay-off: becoming magnetic to potential dates.
The foundation of any great relationship is selflove, also known as selfrespect, self-confidence and self-esteem. So where do you start?
How to become the best version of YOU.
There are four very basic things you can do to present yourself in the most positive fashion. Work on these BEFORE you work on your new hairdo or invest in a new dress. When your inner self is stronger and more confident the outside will shine even more.
1. BE GRATEFUL:
Start by taking stock of all the positive things in your life and practicing gratitude. Research shows that practicing daily gratitude improves physical, psychological and social well-being. This is exactly what is needed for dating success!
So, rather than focusing on your flabby arms or your cellulite, think about the things you really like about yourself and your life.
Make a list of your top three things and write
WHEN YOU LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE, YOU ARE MORE ATTRACTIVE TO OTHERS.
DATING YOURSELF IS STEP ONE TO BECOMING ‘DATE READY’ FOR SOMEONE ELSE.
them on your mirror in lipstick, program them into your phone or list them in your journal. A daily reminder of what you like about yourself and your life enhances your sense of well-being and optimism and increases your capacity to be open to possibilities. After all, if you don’t like yourself, how can someone else?
2. GET PASSIONATE:
People who are driven by passion tend to live more fulfilled and vital lives. Think about someone you know who is totally absorbed in a hobby, political party, sport, band or artistic pursuit. What words would you use to describe them? Chances are, you see that person as enthusiastic, motivated and interesting, even if a little obsessive. Now think of the things that get YOU out of bed in the morning. What are you so absorbed in, that make you forget that time exists? Is there something in your life that you are secretly passionate about or wish you had the courage to pursue? By identifying one thing that you are passionate about and actively engaging in it every week, you enhance your level of overall life satisfaction. And yes, you guessed it, people with high levels of life satisfaction are more attractive to potential dates.
3. BE SELECTIVE:
As human beings, we are driven to create bonds with others. We have a primal need to connect and belong. But sometimes
this drive leads us to start relationships that don’t serve us. Or it causes us to stay in relationships long after their expiration date. Good relationships can enhance our lives. They enrich every experience we have. But bad relationships can pull us down.
As single people in the dating world, we need to surround ourselves with supportive, non-judgmental, motivating people. That is, people who provide us with honest feedback, laugh along with us and pick up the pieces when things go wrong.
Consider the many relationships in your life: family, friends, colleagues, associates. No doubt, you have relationships with people who enhance your life (those who give you energy) and people who detract from your life (those who suck out your energy!). Maybe it’s time to conduct a relationship audit and clear out the energy zappers. You will feel a great weight lifted both socially and psychologically if you do.
4. PRACTICE SELF-FLIRTATION:
Finally, take yourself on regular dates. Court yourself. Woo yourself. What solo activity can you indulge in every month that would make you feel special? Is there something you reserve for ‘special occasions’ or something you only ever do with other people? Take yourself to the movies every week. Buy yourself that extra-large popcorn. Treat yourself to a glass of wine at that new place in town – not on the couch in front of the TV.
Over the coming weeks, I’ll be sharing three more steps that can take you from single to ‘coupled-up’, so stay tuned.
Melanie Schilling is a psychologist and dating coach, regularly contributing to Channel 10, Channel 9, print and online publications. In 2014, Melanie was appointed Dating and Relationship Expert for eHarmony, Australia & has worked across the Asia-Pacific and Middle Eastern Regions. Melanie may be contacted via her website.