Ad­vice on be­com­ing the per­fect date

Great Health Guide - - CONTENTS - Me­lanie Schilling

Dat­ing is hard. Sometimes it’s re­ally hard. It can play to your deep­est fears and in­se­cu­ri­ties. Sometimes the couch and a bot­tle of wine seem so much more ap­peal­ing than putting your­self out there for scru­tiny.

Putting your­self out there and an­nounc­ing to the world that you are look­ing for love can make you very vul­ner­a­ble. Whilst this vul­ner­a­bil­ity is a nec­es­sary part of the process (it in­creases your at­trac­tive­ness to potential dates), it does not have to be over­whelm­ing.

By learn­ing to love and ap­pre­ci­ate your­self first – be­fore look­ing for love and ap­pre­ci­a­tion from some­one else, you will be in a stronger po­si­tion to start a great relationship. When you live your best life, you are more attractive to others. So, by in­vest­ing in your­self, you ben­e­fit from a sec­ondary pay-off: be­com­ing mag­netic to potential dates.

The foun­da­tion of any great relationship is self­love, also known as sel­f­re­spect, self-con­fi­dence and self-es­teem. So where do you start?

How to be­come the best ver­sion of YOU.

There are four very ba­sic things you can do to present your­self in the most pos­i­tive fash­ion. Work on these BE­FORE you work on your new hairdo or in­vest in a new dress. When your in­ner self is stronger and more con­fi­dent the out­side will shine even more.


Start by tak­ing stock of all the pos­i­tive things in your life and prac­tic­ing grat­i­tude. Re­search shows that prac­tic­ing daily grat­i­tude im­proves phys­i­cal, psy­cho­log­i­cal and so­cial well-be­ing. This is ex­actly what is needed for dat­ing suc­cess!

So, rather than fo­cus­ing on your flabby arms or your cel­lulite, think about the things you re­ally like about your­self and your life.

• Body

• Per­son­al­ity

• Tal­ents

• Achieve­ments

• Fam­ily

• Friend­ships

Make a list of your top three things and write



them on your mir­ror in lip­stick, pro­gram them into your phone or list them in your jour­nal. A daily re­minder of what you like about your­self and your life en­hances your sense of well-be­ing and op­ti­mism and in­creases your ca­pac­ity to be open to pos­si­bil­i­ties. Af­ter all, if you don’t like your­self, how can some­one else?


Peo­ple who are driven by pas­sion tend to live more ful­filled and vi­tal lives. Think about some­one you know who is to­tally ab­sorbed in a hobby, po­lit­i­cal party, sport, band or artis­tic pur­suit. What words would you use to de­scribe them? Chances are, you see that per­son as en­thu­si­as­tic, mo­ti­vated and in­ter­est­ing, even if a lit­tle ob­ses­sive. Now think of the things that get YOU out of bed in the morn­ing. What are you so ab­sorbed in, that make you for­get that time ex­ists? Is there some­thing in your life that you are se­cretly pas­sion­ate about or wish you had the courage to pur­sue? By iden­ti­fy­ing one thing that you are pas­sion­ate about and ac­tively en­gag­ing in it ev­ery week, you en­hance your level of over­all life sat­is­fac­tion. And yes, you guessed it, peo­ple with high lev­els of life sat­is­fac­tion are more attractive to potential dates.


As hu­man be­ings, we are driven to cre­ate bonds with others. We have a pri­mal need to con­nect and be­long. But sometimes

this drive leads us to start re­la­tion­ships that don’t serve us. Or it causes us to stay in re­la­tion­ships long af­ter their ex­pi­ra­tion date. Good re­la­tion­ships can en­hance our lives. They en­rich ev­ery ex­pe­ri­ence we have. But bad re­la­tion­ships can pull us down.

As sin­gle peo­ple in the dat­ing world, we need to sur­round our­selves with sup­port­ive, non-judg­men­tal, mo­ti­vat­ing peo­ple. That is, peo­ple who pro­vide us with hon­est feed­back, laugh along with us and pick up the pieces when things go wrong.

Con­sider the many re­la­tion­ships in your life: fam­ily, friends, col­leagues, as­so­ciates. No doubt, you have re­la­tion­ships with peo­ple who en­hance your life (those who give you en­ergy) and peo­ple who de­tract from your life (those who suck out your en­ergy!). Maybe it’s time to con­duct a relationship au­dit and clear out the en­ergy zap­pers. You will feel a great weight lifted both so­cially and psy­cho­log­i­cally if you do.


Fi­nally, take your­self on reg­u­lar dates. Court your­self. Woo your­self. What solo ac­tiv­ity can you in­dulge in ev­ery month that would make you feel spe­cial? Is there some­thing you re­serve for ‘spe­cial oc­ca­sions’ or some­thing you only ever do with other peo­ple? Take your­self to the movies ev­ery week. Buy your­self that ex­tra-large pop­corn. Treat your­self to a glass of wine at that new place in town – not on the couch in front of the TV.

Over the com­ing weeks, I’ll be shar­ing three more steps that can take you from sin­gle to ‘cou­pled-up’, so stay tuned.

Me­lanie Schilling is a psy­chol­o­gist and dat­ing coach, reg­u­larly con­tribut­ing to Chan­nel 10, Chan­nel 9, print and on­line pub­li­ca­tions. In 2014, Me­lanie was ap­pointed Dat­ing and Relationship Ex­pert for eHar­mony, Aus­tralia & has worked across the Asia-Pa­cific and Mid­dle East­ern Re­gions. Me­lanie may be con­tacted via her web­site.

De­sign Olek­san­dra Zuieva

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