Avoid the dream KILLERS

Great Health Guide - - FRONT PAGE - Words Dr Matthew An­der­son De­sign Olek­san­dra Zuieva

What is a dream?

Your high­est hope, big­gest chal­lenge, best pos­si­ble out­come for your work, re­la­tion­ship and/or life. There are two kinds of dream-killers. The in­ter­nal killers and the ex­ter­nal killers. Both of them are dan­ger­ous to your alive­ness and your con­scious­ness.

Part 1: Ex­ter­nal Dream Killers

These are usu­ally peo­ple who care about you, at least to some de­gree. Some­times they can ac­tu­ally be par­ents or spouses and of­ten they are our friends. They say they ‘want the best for you’ but they all share the fol­low­ing char­ac­ter­is­tics.

1. They sup­port and en­cour­age your

fears. They of­ten val­i­date your fears by di­rectly or in­di­rectly telling you that you are not ca­pa­ble of over­com­ing the ob­sta­cles or dan­gers be­tween you and your dreams.

2. They sup­port your small­ness. They sel­dom de­mand or ex­pect you to rise to your high­est pos­si­bil­ity or po­ten­tial. They seem hap­pi­est with you when you are play­ing it safe and small.

3. They live small, un­con­scious lives and never chal­lenge them­selves to wake up or grow.

4. When you share your dreams with them, they have sim­ple or silly re­ac­tions.

5. They are un­able or un­will­ing to see and en­cour­age you to ex­plore and share what is spe­cial and valu­able in you.

Take a look at all your re­la­tion­ships and iden­tify the dream killers. Then do ev­ery­thing you can to set phys­i­cal and/or emo­tional bound­aries with them. Do not al­low them to in­flu­ence your de­ci­sion mak­ing. Do not al­low them to give you their re­peated opin­ions about your fu­ture, your po­ten­tial or your life op­tions.

If you are mar­ried to a dream killer, you will need to con­front your spouse about this prob­lem. If you make no progress then you will do best to go for mar­riage coun­sel­ing. Dream killing can ruin or end a mar­riage if it is not at­tended to.

If your par­ents are dream killers, then you will have to find ways to avoid dream re­lated sub­jects or con­front them and de­mand that they re­frain from any judg­men­tal com­ments about your po­ten­tial and op­tions. Do not avoid deal­ing with this one even though it may be ex­tremely dif­fi­cult for you. Parental in­flu­ence is pow­er­ful and life shap­ing even if you are an adult.


1. Make a list of all the Ex­ter­nal Dream Killers in your life. Be hon­est with your­self.

2. De­cide how to con­front or avoid each per­son on the list above.

This is a cru­cial part of re­al­iz­ing your dreams. It can be dif­fi­cult but the pay­offs are sig­nif­i­cant. The costs of not do­ing this step are dev­as­tat­ing.

3. Once you have iden­ti­fied and dealt with your dream killers then you need


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