TRAPPED by FEAR
How many times have we been asked to do something, or even contemplated doing something, yet have resisted. We think of every excuse to keep ourselves in our comfort zone - and we miss opportunity after opportunity for engaging in activities which will reward us in some way and the result is that we feel trapped and bored.
Fear is an emotion that is felt by all. It alerts us to danger. Research has shown that fear is divided into two responses:
• the biochemical response which is universal
• the emotional response which is a personal response that can keep us immobolised.
HERE’S HOW FEAR CAN PREVENT YOU FROM TAKING ACTION: 1. insecurity.
During our childhood, we receive messages from our primary caregivers. Those messages are carried with us unconsciously. If we receive the message that we are inadequate in some respect, we will be filled with self-doubt, we will be lacking in confidence and we won’t attempt new things. We look at others with envy, believing that we can’t achieve the same. The antidote is to take small steps and find a mentor who can be trusted to guide you and challenge your deeply held view of yourself.
2. Blaming and complaining.
Constant blaming and complaining is a perfect way to stay trapped. Complaining and criticising others for the situation you have found yourself in, keeps you from taking action towards change. Yes, there are things that can’t be controlled, but what you can control is your response. The ‘complainer’ stays in a pattern of inaction and places responsibility for their wellbeing onto others.
'INACTION BREEDS DOUBT & FEAR. ACTION BREEDS CONFIDENCE AND COURAGE IF YOU WANT TO CONQUER FEAR, DO NOT SIT HOME & THINK ABOUT IT GO OUT AND GET BUSY …. DALE CARNEGIE
If I can’t do it perfectly, I’m not even going to try. Perfectionists stay trapped because they can never reach the high bar they set for themselves. Many fear failure as it reinforces the negative view they hold of themselves - after all if one is successful, it is easier to fail. Perfectionism is an illusion - what is achieved is enough!
4. ‘what if…’
The ‘what if’ mantra is a prime example of inaction. Ruminating on thoughts such as ‘what if I work and the kids get sick’, ‘what if I present myself for a medical test and the result is positive’, can stop achievement. Instead of adopting a wait and see approach, the ruminator avoids action because the answer will always be negative and seemingly unsolvable.
Don’t stay trapped - try something new, even if you really are unsure of what you want to do. Seek help to shift thinking patterns that no longer work for you. Find a mentor who you can use as a sounding board and who will encourage you to try something new - after all, if you keep doing the same, you will keep getting the same results.
charmaine roth is an experienced Psychotherapist practicing in Sydney, Australia. Through safe, skilled conversation Charmaine works with individuals, couples and families. She assists her clients to become more aware of proactive behaviours and explore new choices that will improve relationships. For more information refer to Charmaine’s website.