CRE­AT­ING A DI­VORCE-PROOF MAR­RIAGE

Great Health Guide - - CONTENTS - Dr Matthew An­der­son

How to cre­ate a mar­riage that is lov­ing, solid & healthy de­spite the sea­sons of life

The vast ma­jor­ity (over 80%) of Aus­tralians, Amer­i­cans and most other na­tion­al­i­ties, get mar­ried at least once in their lives. We seem to be in love with mar­riage. Cor­rec­tion: We seem to love get­ting mar­ried but half of us also get di­vorced, although no one gets mar­ried with a plan to di­vorce. We find a part­ner, stand in front of a clergy per­son or a judge with fam­ily and friends and swear to re­main to­gether un­til ‘death do us part’. Then stuff hap­pens and half of us lose that spe­cial con­nec­tion. Then we find a lawyer and di­vorce be­comes a sad end to a promis­ing be­gin­ning.

Is there a way to beat the odds? Is it pos­si­ble to al­most guar­an­tee a mar­riage that is di­vorce-proof? I have over 45 years of pro­fes­sional ex­pe­ri­ence work­ing with cou­ples and I can an­swer that ques­tion with an en­thu­si­as­tic, YES! YES, it is pos­si­ble to cre­ate a mar­riage that is solid, lov­ing, healthy and never ends in di­vorce. OK, 99% di­vorce proof. No plan is per­fect.

HERE IS HOW TO CRE­ATE A DI­VORCE PROOF MAR­RIAGE: 1. Cre­ate a Plan to Stay Mar­ried.

It is im­por­tant for you and your part­ner to have a se­ri­ous talk about how im­por­tant mar­riage is to both of you. Ac­tu­ally, an­swer the ques­tion: What is our plan to avoid di­vorce and stay hap­pily mar­ried? If you do not have a clear and mean­ing­ful plan, then your chances of di­vorce are sig­nif­i­cant. Make a plan. I have listed sug­ges­tions be­low.

2. As­sess the Cost of the Mar­riage Cer­e­mony.

Most cou­ples spend quite a lot of money on get­ting mar­ried. Just the en­gage­ment ring (yes, it is in­cluded in the cost!) is ex­pen­sive. The av­er­age Amer­i­can in­vests about $6000.00 on a ring. Add in the full cost of the cer­e­mony, in­clud­ing the dress, food, flow­ers, etc. and take a hard look at the real ex­pense. In the USA the av­er­age cost is al­most $27,000.00, plus the ring! That adds up to $33,000.00. What is the real cost of your cer­e­mony?

3. Make a Real In­vest­ment in your Fu­ture To­gether.

Think about this. You are go­ing to spend all this money, just to get started. If you

It is pos­si­ble to cre­ate a mar­riage that is lov­ing, solid, healthy & does not end in di­vorce.

in­vested this much in start­ing a busi­ness would you have a busi­ness plan? Would you ex­pect to get some ed­u­ca­tion on how to make this busi­ness suc­cess­ful? Yes, you would, un­less you were will­ing to quickly lose your in­vest­ment. So, what is your happy mar­riage worth? I sug­gest you add up your mar­riage costs (see above) and then take just 10% of that and in­vest in a suc­cess­ful mar­riage ed­u­ca­tion. That amount would be about $3000 for the av­er­age cou­ple. It will be the best in­sur­ance pol­icy you and your part­ner ever made.

Cau­tion: Do not as­sume that love is enough to make a mar­riage work. It is a great start, but you also need to know what makes a re­la­tion­ship sur­vive and

thrive. Most cou­ples, at least 50%, have no idea and they end up in court. What should you in­clude in your ‘Plan to Stay Hap­pily Mar­ried’? I have listed the ba­sics be­low. Ev­ery­thing on this list will help. Re­mem­ber, it is a lot eas­ier to learn the right skills in the be­gin­ning of your mar­riage than to wait un­til the pain gets in­tense.

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