How to build up your self-con­fi­dence

Great Health Guide - - CONTENTS - Leanne Allen

Have you ever had the thought ‘I’m not good enough’? Most peo­ple have had this neg­a­tive thought at some point in their lives, in­clud­ing me. Whether it be re­gard­ing your ed­u­ca­tion, friends, re­la­tion­ships or ca­reer, maybe even how you look or the amount of money you earn. There is an un­lim­ited amount of rea­sons why some­one could have the be­lief that they are not good enough. This ar­ti­cle will boost your con­fi­dence and show you that you are enough. Know­ing that there is a di­rect link be­tween our thoughts and the way we feel, is it any won­der that th­ese neg­a­tive thoughts make us feel aw­ful? Neg­a­tive thoughts can re­ally knock us back and wreak havoc on our con­fi­dence. Once con­fi­dence takes a blow, it can be dif­fi­cult to get back out there and push past what­ever the neg­a­tive thought that is in your mind.


I might hear my­self say things such as: • ‘I can’t do this’ • ‘I’m hope­less’ • ‘I’m just stupid’ • ‘Ev­ery­one else is bet­ter than me’.


• Say­ing ‘no’ to po­ten­tial op­por­tu­ni­ties be­cause I fear I will fail • Re­ject com­pli­ments • Avoid look­ing for op­por­tu­ni­ties be­cause ‘what’s the point’ • Stay in bed, over eat, un­der eat • Ad­dic­tive be­hav­iours in­clud­ing drugs, al­co­hol, gam­bling and porn. It is im­por­tant to note that th­ese be­hav­iours un­der­mine self-con­fi­dence. They are known as avoid­ance tech­niques and es­sen­tially lead to re­in­forc­ing the way we feel! Th­ese be­hav­iours can cre­ate emo­tions like shame, guilt or un­wor­thi­ness, which of course af­fects con­fi­dence.


1. Be kind to your­self! If some­one you know said to you, ‘You are hope­less, you might as well give up now’, would that per­son be your friend for much longer? Would you ac­cept that kind of talk? This per­son is at­tack­ing you and im­pact­ing on your self-con­fi­dence. 2. Ac­knowl­edge your neg­a­tive self­talk. You might sim­ply say, ‘Oh, there

Know­ing that you are enough builds con­fi­dence.

is that mean self-talk­ing again’ or ‘Thank you, mind, I don’t need that kind of talk right now’ or even just say, ‘oops’. The key here is NOT to then get up­set with those thoughts, just no­tice them, give them no more at­ten­tion and move on.

3. A pos­i­tive mind is not just about your

mind­set. It is also about what you put in your body and how you treat it. Good food in­creases hap­pi­ness. Healthy body, healthy mind. Ex­er­cise has been proven time and time again to help in­crease pos­i­tiv­ity and con­fi­dence and de­crease de­pres­sion and anx­i­ety.

4. FEAR is a real con­fi­dence killer. It can be de­scribed as ‘False Ev­i­dence Ap­pear­ing Real’. Why is your mind cre­at­ing fear? Don’t let it hurt your self-con­fi­dence. You are enough.

5. If your con­fi­dence level is low, seek

pro­fes­sional help. There are many rea­sons for this to oc­cur. This can be re­solved, you are enough.


Be­cause you mat­ter! You were not born lack­ing in con­fi­dence. This is some­thing that is cre­ated over time. It could be our own in­ter­nal wiring that is more geared to neg­a­tive think­ing. This can be changed! It could be be­cause of the mes­sages that you were given as a child. Some of th­ese mes­sages are ob­vi­ous, oth­ers are overt and if one of your par­ents lacked con­fi­dence, you picked that up as your own be­liefs. Know­ing that you are enough, who­ever you are and what­ever you do will in­crease your con­fi­dence. Even if you are a long way from where you want to be, keep build­ing your con­fi­dence. By ac­knowl­edg­ing you are enough right now, you are tak­ing the step to­ward be­liev­ing in your­self, which ul­ti­mately is what will help you take the steps to achiev­ing what you want.

Leanne Allen (BA Psych(Hons)), Is the Prin­ci­ple Psy­chol­o­gist at Re­con­nect

Well­ness Cen­tre. She has trained in Sand­play Ther­apy, NLP and CBT and has had ex­ten­sive train­ing in re­la­tion­ship ther­apy. Leanne has also com­pleted train­ing as a life coach. Her ap­proach is to look for­ward whilst re­leas­ing the trauma of the past. Con­nect on Face­book or visit the Web­site. You can reach her of­fice on 1300 132 252, or email

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