Seven, 2pm

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Af­ter semi-fi­nal matches that can only be de­scribed as slaugh­ter, here’s hop­ing for a de­cent, tight Grand Fi­nal be­tween West Coast and Colling­wood. Three things are cer­tain: the half­time en­ter­tain­ment — The Black Eyed Peas, sans Fergie — will be heav­ily panned. Colling­wood pres­i­dent Ed­die McGuire (pic­tured) will look con­cerned and yell a lot. And the city of Mel­bourne, filled with fly-ins and pas­sion­ate Pies, will be ab­so­lute may­hem on Satur­day night. Colling­wood will win by five, says me.

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