Peter Berner

Herald Sun - Property - - FRONT PAGE -

THIS Aus­tralian co­me­dian is also a car­toon­ist, artist and ra­dio and tele­vi­sion pre­sen­ter. He hosts news satire show on Sky News Aus­tralia on Fri­days and Satur­days at 9pm. He lives with his wife and son in an in­nerSyd­ney sub­urb.

Usu­ally, I plan to spend my Satur­day morn­ings do­ing all those chores around the house I’ve been putting off since 1983. So far, though, I’ve man­aged to stay one step ahead of the game. I can usu­ally get out of do­ing them by fak­ing an in­jury or my own death. Once, I even moved house to get out of do­ing any­thing.

I am an ex­pert at stack­ing a dish­washer, any make, any model. By rights, I should be on re­tainer to the dish­washer-in­dus­try gov­ern­ing body as an ad­viser. Some­times, if I drop in on some­one, I will un­stack their stack­ing and restack it. By and large, when it comes to stack­ing dish­wash­ers, most peo­ple are id­iots. Si­lence. To me there is noth­ing more chilly­outy than si­lence. And real si­lences are hard to find in to­day’s world. You can find “al­most si­lence” or a sad im­pres­sion of si­lence but real, com­plete, pin-drop si­lence is tough. If I had a time ma­chine I’d go back to a time be­fore sound.

Noth­ing beats a night in with a good book sit­ting un­opened on a book­shelf, the TV turned on, a glass of beer in one hand and another glass in the other hand and hav­ing to op­er­ate the re­mote con­trol with my feet. Show me some­one who doesn’t en­joy that and I’ll show you a crazy per­son.


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