You’d swear Gor­don Ram­say’s lan­guage is the only thing to talk about on TV. But what about Stephen Quar­ter­main? And Two and a Half Men?

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Ram­sey’s treat

from I. Smith, Gee­long A POOR shop­keeper cries: ‘‘Oh, woe is me. I am bank­rupt and no­body loves me.’’ Then a hand­some blue-eyed, blond-haired stranger in a white jacket walks up and says: ‘‘Do not de­spair. Be­lieve in me, I will save you.’’ But the man does not be­lieve and fire and brim­stone spew from the stranger’s mouth. ‘‘You want proof of my power?’’ he shouts. ‘‘I will show you.’’ Next morn­ing the shop­keeper’s busi­ness has changed into a mag­nif­i­cent palace. He be­gins kiss­ing the stranger’s feet. ‘‘Oh, mas­ter,’’ he wails. ‘‘You are truly the one.’’ Gor­don Ram­say smiles and walks away to the next un­be­liever and does it all over again. His show should be clas­si­fied as a re­peat.

Foul play

from P. & J. DeBrevi, Al­tona Mead­ows IF YOU’VE ever watched Ram­say’s Kitchen, I am sure you will won­der how it ever got anM rat­ing. It is full of ‘‘f’’ and ‘‘c’’ words— in my opin­ion, to­tally un­suit­able for the new 8.30pm slot. Put it back to 9.30pm.

Driven crazy

from Not Happy I’M re­ally an­noyed with Chan­nel 10’s HD chan­nel, which is an ab­so­lute joke. Why is it that they pro­gram Nascars but never show them?

Poor Quar­ters

from Norm, Somerville STEPHEN Quar­ter­main is a pro­fes­sional jour­nal­ist but con­tin­ues to say ‘‘could of’’ and ‘‘should of’’. You would think that some­body at Chan­nel 10 would tell him. He needs to be ‘‘learned’’ how to speak English.

Sheen ma­chine

from Can It Char­lie, email CHAR­LIE Sheen in Two and a Half Men must think he’s the fun­ni­est per­son on the planet. Ev­ery time he opens his mouth the au­di­ence goes into hys­ter­i­cal laugh­ter. Un­for­tu­nately, all I do is take an­other headache tablet.

Not Half good

from Sean, email SHAUN (Guide, March 19) does not know what he is talk­ing about. Two and A Half Men is one of the best come­dies I’ve seen— it nearly com­pares to Se­in­feld.

Two right

from Paul, email I WAS shocked by Shaun’s com­ments about Two and a Half Men. I think it’s the fun­ni­est show on TV. I love ev­ery minute of it.

And an­other thing

from Ge­orge, Don­caster I’D like to say to Shaun that ev­ery­one’s hu­mour dif­fers and I doubt he’d be in the ma­jor­ity.

Win/lose sit­u­a­tion

from Jac­inta and Andrew, email WIN TV ad­ver­tises its Wide World of Sport and Rugby League’s 100 Years and then goes ahead and shows the bloody stupid Gil­more Girls while game of the day is Storm v Sharks. Nine and WIN suck.

Spoil sorts

from Ash­ley, Rowville WHY do Aus­tralian shows now copy the Amer­i­cans by show­ing us what is com­ing up af­ter the break? I do not want to see what is go­ing to hap­pen be­fore it hap­pens. It spoils the show and puts me off. Luck­ily, I can fast-for­ward th­ese spoil­ers when I record some pro­grams, but I’d wish they’d stop.

Fleet­ing Friends

from Ella, email TO LAURA (Guide, March 12): I too have no­ticed the edit­ing of Friends by Ten, not to men­tion the fast play that makes them move at twice the cor­rect speed. Soon we’ll be watch­ing ads with short pro­gram breaks. When qual­ity and quan­tity are gone, what are we left with?

We’re polls apart

from Frank and Vera, email WHY DO we have to be bom­barded with the Amer­i­can elec­tion night af­ter night. A short bit in the news ev­ery now and then would be all right, but this will go on for months. Who cares any­way?

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