DIANNE BUTLER OUT OF THE BOX
ILOVE it when the bear just stands there in the water with his mouth open and the fish leaps into it. Stupid fish. Alec Baldwin’s kinda beary. Yeah, like he’d enjoy a fish dinner but also big and dangerous and you’d say probably furry under those suits. Sometimes on 30 Rock when he kicks his voice into another gear he can sound very shadowy. He’s not using that voice tonight though. He’s got his important Nat Geo voice on but it’s also in awe.
The voice is aided and abetted by the very crucial script, which is full of weight, it’s like Gore Vidal wrote it, if Gore Vidal was bulimic and had eaten a thesaurus for dinner and then vomited it up again five minutes later. Gore Vidal’s a bad example. I love Gore Vidal. I think I meant to say Al Gore.
Life on Earth is hard, Alec Baldwin says at the start of Great Migrations. Maybe I was wrong and this is the 30 Rock Republican Jack Donaghy Alec Baldwin after all. It’s a tireless drama, Jack/Alec says, and the music tells us he’s right. I hope you’re feeling up to a crocodile attack. What on earth could drive this headlong rush to slaughter, he asks, and it turns out it’s not rhetorical, because he comes back with this: ‘‘ Only Earth herself. With her insistent clocks.’’
They always make the chee- tahs look bad. There are 200,000 zebra and more than a million wildebeest wandering around Tanzania and Kenya and half of them have just given birth and as far as I can see there’s about one cheetah with one adorable little kitten and surely they’re not going to even notice if one of those animals is missing.
I was keen to see what angle they might take with Christmas Island, could be a variety of options here obviously, but it’s all about red crabs — the size of dinner plates, Alec Baldwin says, in a tone that maybe suggests he wishes they were on one as well. Shame about those yellow crazy ants — ‘‘ aliens accidentally introduced by cargo ships’’ ... I thought, here we go, he’s going to start talking about illegal detention. But no.
Narrator: Alec Baldwin