DIANNE BUTLER OUT OF THE BOX
WHEN you think about the TV hosts you’d like to see enter a large body of shark-riddled water, I don’t know if you’d put Craig Ferguson at the top of the list. Craig Ferguson? Host of The Late Late Show in the States? Scottish accent? Why he’s in the Bahamas even considering putting his person in the vicinity of a shark’s mouth, I can’t explain.
But what he wants is to hand-feed a shark. Oh, he says he doesn’t, carries on about how he’s just a vulgar lounge entertainer and how he’s only ever gone scuba diving about three times in his life, but clearly it’s bluster. He’s dying to get down there with his stick and his tuna. And you wait till you see how it ends up.
I love sharks. I don’t necessarily want to spoon-feed one but I’m happy they’re there. Apparently you have to look them in the eye if you encounter one and let them know you’re not afraid. While at the same time not urinating on yourself. But it’s also important not to make a shark angry. Interesting story about the testosterone levels of the bull shark. Yours — talking to the blokes now — is like 90.
Hand-fed: Craig Ferguson. Theirs is 400. Four hundred is higher than any animals on land or at sea.
There are some gripping flashbacks in this, unearthed from 20 years of Shark Week. Remember the time Andre Hartman rode on the back of great whites in the Sea of Cortez, armed with only a spear gun, or possibly a battery-operated stick blender? Or last year when a shark bit Charles Ingram’s boat? Craig holds up a shark’s tooth to demonstrate how one could eat a boat, in case you’re sceptical. As Craig remarks, whatever you say about Shark Week, it’s the attacks you remember. Shark Bites: Adventures in Shark Week Discovery Channel, Foxtel/Austar, 7.30pm