Get­ting some new shows will help

Herald Sun - Switched On - - On The Couch -

YOUdon’t ac­tu­ally like My Kitchen Rules, do you? You’re prob­a­bly not even watch­ing it. It’s just that hand­ful with the peo­ple me­ters, who­ever they are. To­tal strangers none of us has ever met. Ever will meet.

I don’t even like restau­rants that have kitchens you can see into, where the chefs are there with their meat sweats and yelling at ev­ery­one, so I re­ally don’t want to see it on tele­vi­sion. Es­pe­cially since it’s not re­ally good cook­ing. Or re­ally bad, like on Come Dine With Me, and I’mspecif­i­cally think­ing of the UK ver­sion here, which is like hos­pi­tal food. And has that hi­lar­i­ous voice-over nar­rat­ing the en­tire thing, like Wipe­out USA.

But My Kitchen Rules isn’t any­thing. You may as well be at home. It’s just us watch­ing us. Ba­si­cally. Bor­ing. Not to men­tion self-ab­sorbed. If I wanted to watch my­self cook I’d, well, cook. But what it says is, put some­thing on at the same time ev­ery night and it works. It’s one of the most re­li­able tele­vi­sion rules.

Look at MasterChef. Half, maybe more, of its suc­cess is down to that. Rep­e­ti­tion. Staying on mes­sage. I’d love to see one of the net­works— as a lark— put some­thing ridicu­lous on and just watch it go. Jake and the Fat Man ev­ery night for three months. I be­lieve this is the same think­ing that led to Big Brother.

Ap­par­ently there’s some mild-to-se­vere anx­i­ety deep within the tele­vi­sion in­dus­try over why so many shows are do­ing badly. Like, they can’t fig­ure it out. And when I say tele­vi­sion in­dus­try I mean Chan­nels 9 and 10.

Ten’s prob­lems are eas­ily fixed us­ing the Bobby Ewing-Dal­las so­lu­tion, whereby Ge­orge Ne­gus is sent to the farm, nor­mal trans­mis­sion is re­stored, and ev­ery­one pre­tends it was a dream.

Nine has just had a bit of bad luck they should learn from. It’s all just luck with any of it. The rugby league will help them. Never com­mis­sion­ing an­other com­edy se­ries ever again will help them. Re­mem­ber­ing to check when Ed­die’s con­tract is up for rene­go­ti­a­tion will help them. Get­ting some new shows will help them. They only re­ally need one. Ide­ally, it should be the right one. I’d like to know what hap­pened to that show about recipes they talked up at their sales launch last year. It ac­tu­ally sounded clever and orig­i­nal, though I’m sure it wasn’t. Where’s it lan­guish­ing, I won­der . . .

But as an au­di­ence, aren’t we com­ing across as a tiny bit lim­ited that all we ever want to look at is cook­ing shows? The top 10 lately has mostly been My Kitchen Rules, My Kitchen Rules, My Kitchen Rules, some­thing newsy, newsy, newsy, what­ever, what­ever, and Crim­i­nal Minds, which wasn’t do­ing well and now is. I have no idea why. I have no idea about any­thing any more.

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