Getting some new shows will help
YOUdon’t actually like My Kitchen Rules, do you? You’re probably not even watching it. It’s just that handful with the people meters, whoever they are. Total strangers none of us has ever met. Ever will meet.
I don’t even like restaurants that have kitchens you can see into, where the chefs are there with their meat sweats and yelling at everyone, so I really don’t want to see it on television. Especially since it’s not really good cooking. Or really bad, like on Come Dine With Me, and I’mspecifically thinking of the UK version here, which is like hospital food. And has that hilarious voice-over narrating the entire thing, like Wipeout USA.
But My Kitchen Rules isn’t anything. You may as well be at home. It’s just us watching us. Basically. Boring. Not to mention self-absorbed. If I wanted to watch myself cook I’d, well, cook. But what it says is, put something on at the same time every night and it works. It’s one of the most reliable television rules.
Look at MasterChef. Half, maybe more, of its success is down to that. Repetition. Staying on message. I’d love to see one of the networks— as a lark— put something ridiculous on and just watch it go. Jake and the Fat Man every night for three months. I believe this is the same thinking that led to Big Brother.
Apparently there’s some mild-to-severe anxiety deep within the television industry over why so many shows are doing badly. Like, they can’t figure it out. And when I say television industry I mean Channels 9 and 10.
Ten’s problems are easily fixed using the Bobby Ewing-Dallas solution, whereby George Negus is sent to the farm, normal transmission is restored, and everyone pretends it was a dream.
Nine has just had a bit of bad luck they should learn from. It’s all just luck with any of it. The rugby league will help them. Never commissioning another comedy series ever again will help them. Remembering to check when Eddie’s contract is up for renegotiation will help them. Getting some new shows will help them. They only really need one. Ideally, it should be the right one. I’d like to know what happened to that show about recipes they talked up at their sales launch last year. It actually sounded clever and original, though I’m sure it wasn’t. Where’s it languishing, I wonder . . .
But as an audience, aren’t we coming across as a tiny bit limited that all we ever want to look at is cooking shows? The top 10 lately has mostly been My Kitchen Rules, My Kitchen Rules, My Kitchen Rules, something newsy, newsy, newsy, whatever, whatever, and Criminal Minds, which wasn’t doing well and now is. I have no idea why. I have no idea about anything any more.