BOB HART OUT OF THE BOX
THIS is a truly astonishing and deeply troubling new episode of the on-going adventures of the ridiculous, but wonderful, Bear Grylls.
And if you have any interest in sharpening up your survival skills in the hope of making it past Christmas, this is the show for you. Trust me . . .
For example, has it occurred to you that the thing to do when your crew – give or take camera operators, a soundrecordist and a make-up artist – dump you on a deserted Pacific island is to search for thongs?
No, not those thongs. The rubber ones for your feet. Because the peculiar property of foot thongs of which perhaps only Grylls is aware is that if you burn them, they send up dark smoke and make great signal fires. Cool, huh?
‘‘ Ahoy Cap’n! I see smoke from burning thongs on the horizon,’’ says the bloke way up the mast.
‘‘ We’ll steer a course around it, laddie. It’s probably that peculiar Bear Grylls chappie,’’ says the Cap’n. And indeed it was.
Grylls’ island is a pointless little atoll off the coast of Panama on which our hero manages to collect rainwater using a bit of rope and an old drink bottle and spear a large fish with a stick and the beak of a dead seagull. As you do. But that was the easy stuff.
It is later, after Grylls has made a stable raft from nothing much at all and set off for Panama, that the episode turns, um, pear-shaped.
Grylls checks out another atoll on the way. Here, he collects rainwater polluted with seagull poo. Nasty enough, he explains, to make you ill should you drink it. But water, he decides, must be safely ingested. How does he achieve this?
Here’s a clue: it involves that drink bottle, plastic tubing and an orifice seldom kissed by the sun. He drops his cargo pants and . . .
Shall we switch to Corners, dear? Man Vs Wild SBS One, 8.30pm
Wonderful: Bear Grylls