Check out these (mostly) old geezers and see what you ‘‘fink’’

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THESE are as old as the hills. For some rea­son, based on . . . I have no idea what, now that I’m think­ing about it . . . I thought the ABC might’ve been run­ning more re­cent episodes than ones from four years ago.

I’m sorry, did you think I was talk­ing about the ac­tors just then when I said these were old?

This isn’t New Tricks. It sort of is— a pret­tier New Tricks.

Only half of them are old— Robert Vaughn and Robert Glenis­ter. The bal­ance is tipped this week, just about over the edge, by an­other el­derly Robert — Wagner.

He was a beau­ti­ful man when he was young, and he’s still, I would imag­ine, re­garded as a hot piece by the bid­dies.

Not en­tirely a tremen­dous ac­tor, but he’s just right for this show, which is rid­dled with not en­tirely tremen­dous ac­tors. Or pos­si­bly a cou­ple of OK ones who have just de­cided to treat this like they’re in a pan­tomime.

I don’t know why I said pan­tomime just then. Might be an English thing. This is res­o­lutely English.

It’s ‘‘ fink’’ and ‘‘ in­nit’’ all the time. And they keep say­ing how they’re grifters. Over and over.

I wish this was one hun­dredth the qual­ity of that film. Or the book. Do you re­mem­ber that id­i­otic old Steve Martin movie Dirty Rot­ten Scoundrels? Which, help us all, is be­ing re­made.

Any­way, this show — have I even said its name out loud yet? Hus­tle? This show Hus­tle is kind of like Dirty Rot­ten Scoundrels. Not re­ally.

But the scams are just never-end­ing, and un­be­liev- Hus­tle ABC1, Fri­day, 9.20pm able, and they’re al­ways go­ing to come out on top, and ev­ery­one else, even the rich and old and pow­er­ful and not gullible — cue Robert Wagner — get taken in.

So peo­ple who just like to lie back and not be in any way ruf­fled by any­thing will find Hus­tle a plea­sure to watch.

But there’s not enough to grip any­one. There are no mo­ments where you could fea­si­bly think, ‘‘ Yep, they are go­ing to get caught here’’. I’ve never watched this show be­fore, so I don’t know if any of them have been busted.

Mickey — you’ll know him if you’re across this show — is ap­par­ently in Aus­tralia, and there’s a bit of a tus­sle this week over who’s go­ing to be the boss of the out­fit. I don’t know why they need a boss. It’s kind of bizarre.

So the crew is Ash, Al­bert, Danny and Sta­cie. Sta­cie’s a girl. She comes in very handy this week — and I’m guess­ing at all times — as a hon­ey­trap.

Danny wants to run the show and gives him­self a head­start by com­ing up with the idea of sell­ing the Hol­ly­wood sign to a col­lec­tor, played by Wagner, who, while he doesn’t look as if he came down in the last shower, clearly did.

It all en­tails a trip to Los An­ge­les and en­coun­ters with naive, pub­lic­ity-hun­gry peo­ple.

I sup­pose it’s meant to be a homage or some­thing, but they ac­tu­ally rip off that ex­change John Tra­volta and Sa­muel L. Jack­son have at the start of Pulp Fic­tion about the quar­ter pounder and how it’s called a royale with cheese in Paris, if you can you be­lieve it? New tricks: The cast of em­bark on an elab­o­rate scam in Los An­ge­les this week.

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