DIANNE BUTLER OUT OF THE BOX
WOW; Anne Boleyn. Obviously we knew it was coming, but it was quite sad in the end.
Henry’s not all there in the head, though. I think that’s fairly plain.
On the other hand, she did like a bit of trouser.
What’s a girl to do, though? You’d be bored stupid in that job. Anyway, he’s got a new queen. Still a few to go. Was it really just about the son and heir? Suppose it was. But he did enjoy the chase. So we start the new series tonight with another wedding; 11 days after Anne’s had her head cut off.
Yes, 11. Maybe because, unlike Anne, Henry hasn’t had crazy outdoor sex, or any sex, with Jane Seymour.
She’s very pale, Jane. Pale hair, pale skin, pale dress.
Henry is dressed to match. You’d almost think he was a virgin as well. Almost.
It’s a lovely wedding— nice and quick, small amount of dancing, petals raining down prettily (but no sign of Mary, Henry’s isolated daughter) and then a group of attendants in the bedroom later to dispense advice and I’m not sure what else.
Henry, you’d think, would be able to handle this part of Fatal attraction: Henry (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) and Anne Boleyn (Natalie Dormer). the formalities on his own. No, it’s not the same Jane Seymour who was in Dr Quinn Medicine Woman. That would make her 473 years old.
Even allowing for the excellent diet and exercise and all the water they drink in Hollywood, those would be some genes. Plus that Jane Seymour’s real name is Joyce Frankenberg.
In line with the new, more virtuous queen — or almost queen (coronation tba) — is a campaign to cleanse the north of England of its monasteries.
Thomas Cromwell might be a lunatic but his rampage is adding millions to the King’s hip pocket. But not without some cost, as we see when farmers with poor dental work decide they’ve had enough. The Tudors ABC2, 9.30pm