DIANNE BUT­LER OUT OF THE BOX

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WOW; Anne Bo­leyn. Ob­vi­ously we knew it was com­ing, but it was quite sad in the end.

Henry’s not all there in the head, though. I think that’s fairly plain.

On the other hand, she did like a bit of trouser.

What’s a girl to do, though? You’d be bored stupid in that job. Any­way, he’s got a new queen. Still a few to go. Was it re­ally just about the son and heir? Sup­pose it was. But he did en­joy the chase. So we start the new se­ries tonight with an­other wed­ding; 11 days af­ter Anne’s had her head cut off.

Yes, 11. Maybe be­cause, un­like Anne, Henry hasn’t had crazy out­door sex, or any sex, with Jane Sey­mour.

She’s very pale, Jane. Pale hair, pale skin, pale dress.

Henry is dressed to match. You’d al­most think he was a vir­gin as well. Al­most.

It’s a lovely wed­ding— nice and quick, small amount of dancing, petals rain­ing down pret­tily (but no sign of Mary, Henry’s iso­lated daugh­ter) and then a group of at­ten­dants in the bed­room later to dis­pense ad­vice and I’m not sure what else.

Henry, you’d think, would be able to han­dle this part of Fa­tal at­trac­tion: Henry (Jonathan Rhys Mey­ers) and Anne Bo­leyn (Natalie Dormer). the for­mal­i­ties on his own. No, it’s not the same Jane Sey­mour who was in Dr Quinn Medicine Woman. That would make her 473 years old.

Even al­low­ing for the ex­cel­lent diet and ex­er­cise and all the wa­ter they drink in Hol­ly­wood, those would be some genes. Plus that Jane Sey­mour’s real name is Joyce Franken­berg.

In line with the new, more vir­tu­ous queen — or al­most queen (corona­tion tba) — is a cam­paign to cleanse the north of Eng­land of its monas­ter­ies.

Thomas Cromwell might be a lu­natic but his ram­page is adding mil­lions to the King’s hip pocket. But not with­out some cost, as we see when farm­ers with poor den­tal work de­cide they’ve had enough. The Tu­dors ABC2, 9.30pm

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