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WELL, well. How did he get out of that one? Hyp­no­tise the jury? Or, the Pa­trick Jane equiv­a­lent, charm the pants off them? I thought for sure there’d be some­thing com­ing his way. This is the US.

They love a prison term, al­most above all else. But they do hate a se­rial killer, es­pe­cially one who mur­ders al­most all of some­one’s fam­ily. And Pa­trick Jane is at­trac­tive.

I used to have a life-size card­board cut-out of Si­mon Baker in his Pa­trick Jane out­fit, three-piece suit and one of his bet­ter hair styles — the un­struc­tured quiff — next to my desk.

Chan­nel 9 pub­lic­ity sent them out when The Men­tal­ist started. I think one of the an­gry jeal­ous men in the of­fice bent Baker’s head over in an out­burst one day, be­cause he had an un­sightly crease across his neck which I’m cer­tain nei­ther Baker nor Jane has in real life, even though Baker ap­pears to be al­low­ing him­self to age in a con­tro­ver­sially nat­u­ral non-show­biz way.

I some­times used to think I should take him out for a drive, see what re­ac­tion I’d get, if any, the way my friend Adrian used to take his cut-out of Mr T out. We were younger

Charm­ing: Si­mon Baker

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