DIANNE BUT­LER OUT OF THE BOX

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NOAH. Noah Parkin. Prob­lems or not? I’ve missed a few episodes of Neigh­bours lately (where’s Bouncer?) and I’m not sure what’s go­ing on.

I love a stalker as much as the next girl, and the way he told those oth­ers he had a ‘‘ present for his girl­friend’’ and, I don’t know, that beanie . . . pull it down and cut eye holes in it and sud­denly Erins­bor­ough’s got a rapist/killer/kid­nap­per/per­vert of what­ever threat level. It won’t though, will it. Prob­a­bly not. It’s not Sum­mer Bay, af­ter all, a place obliged by its name to have some dark days.

Noah (Or­pheus Pledger) may be plan­ning on spend­ing the next four years grow­ing dread­locks, and he’s bought the hat to ac­com­mo­date them first.

Kate’s scared of him any­way. I don’t know why. But I’m won­der­ing now if Kate isn’t the un­sta­ble one. I mean, she lies to Lu­cas when Noah calls tonight, says it’s no one. Which ac­tu­ally sounds like Noah if you say it quickly. Then she pre­tends it’s Harold phon­ing about a shift. Lu­cas asks her didn’t she have the day off, when ob­vi­ously the real ques­tion is didn’t Harold get washed off some rocks and die 20 years ago?

Trou­ble?: Or­pheus Pledger.

I had no idea how in­no­va­tive Neigh­bours had be­come. I don’t just mean the gro­cery lines they now sell in Daphne’s cof­fee shop. No. I’m talk­ing about the way Noah came up on a graphic on the screen, for our ben­e­fit, when he phoned Kate.

And I see John Wood’s in the show. He’s a golf-play­ing doc­tor (not one of the in­no­va­tions I was talk­ing about) whose leg is be­ing humped by Rhys Law­son to- night. Rhys puts on a bar­be­cue to try to oil his way into a sur­gi­cal-train­ing pro­gram, only there’s a rat un­der the plate when he lifts the lid to put on the snap­per. Vin­tage Neigh­bours. In the end cred­its it says an­i­mals were supplied by An­i­mal Ac­tors. It is a very Method rat. Neigh­bours Eleven, 6.30pm

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