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AN­OTHER im­por­tant episode of Happy End­ings, this one about who would sur­vive the zom-bie at­tack. When it comes. I can see why this show has been saved un­til the sum­mer non-rat­ings pe­riod, and it’s un­re­lated to zom­bies. It’s be­cause it’s light enough for us to use as a mos­quito net when we’re out camp­ing un- der the stars. And by un­der the stars I mean Al­pha Cen­tauri and Sir­ius and what­ever, not, like, Leonardo Dicaprio.

Dave’s a zom­bie, is the real mean­ing of the episode. Sleep­walk­ing through life. Just to guide you through that metaphor. Dave’s the guy whose girl­friend Alex (Elisha Cuth­bert) left him stand­ing in the church like a shag on a rock the day – the mo­ment – they were meant to be get­ting mar­ried. First episode. So you can see, pos­si­bly, why he could be go­ing through a pe­riod of ad­just­ment. He’s hav­ing a big one though. He’s go­ing to quit his job – one of those spir­itcrush­ing yet sta­ble ones – and open a steak restau­rant. Or maybe not just steak. Maybe also food from other coun­tries. Thai food. Mex­i­can. For when you can’t de­cide. This is his

Bye bye bride: Elisha Cuth­bert dream, nur­tured via a box of recipes and clip­pings over many years. He’s go­ing to try to find in­vestors and, fail­ing that, cash in his su­per. Clearly it’s an id­i­otic plan, and ev­ery­one’s against it. Only they can’t say any­thing on ac­count of his re­cent psy­cho­log­i­cal de­struc­tion.

Penny there­fore is the most el­i­gi­ble dater of the group, and it’s a sit­u­a­tion that will be milked dry. The mes­sage tonight is cau­tion­ary: do not ven­ture out­side your jeans pool. Her new guy uses fash­ion iron­i­cally (dresses like he works for NASA), but I think the most dis­turb­ing thing is hear­ing the word irony in an Amer­i­can sit­com. Happy End­ings Chan­nel 7, 7.30pm

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