Easter-ly wind blows all the top shows off air for unholy break
AND all of a sudden there’s nothing to watch. Six weeks into their working year and the TV networks are on a ratings break. They say it’s because of Easter, like it’s our fault, as if we all just walk out on our job and take a fortnight off from life, but who does that any more, apart from schoolchildren?
Yes. Schoolchildren. They’re the ones who are really in charge of television programming, with their discretionary income and buying power and unique position to moan and whine and do their parents’ heads in. If the TV ratings weren’t run like an oil cartel, what we’d see would be Seven on holiday and Nine starting Celebrity Apprentice now instead of waiting until that nebulous ‘‘ after Easter’’ point in the future, when everything else starts.
If only they could have predicted when they filmed it just how socially ostracised Jason Akermanis was going to become.
But no. Instead we’re getting Easter With the Australian Women’s Weekly. Starring everyone on the Nine payroll, including Karl Stefanovic (left), who misread a clause in his contract that said ‘‘ Shows that last for 60 Minutes’’ and eagerly went signed it.
Fingers crossed this is the desperate year every show in the networks’ bag is thrown at the wall in the month ‘‘ after Easter’’. Obviously the second half of the year will be a desert wasteland, but gee it should be a tremendous winter.
I don’t know why we don’t see the biggest shows — Masterchef v The Block, for instance — going head to head
and more often. It’s a guaranteed way to bring out more people on the night, the same way having a row of restaurants all in the one street does.
And they can now include ‘‘ time-shifting’’ in their ratings, the part idiotic/part menacing term for what happens when you record a show and watch it later. So nobody loses in this scenario. Assuming, of course, you actually want to watch one of those shows.