Well Isles be, an Olympic open­ing cer­e­mony to in­spire won­der

Herald Sun - Switched On - - On The Couch -

BUT will the open­ing cer­e­mony be as ex­cit­ing as Karmichael Hunt kick­ing a goal af­ter the siren? I can’t re­mem­ber any­thing that hap­pened at the last Olympic Games. Noth­ing. Matthew Mitcham, if you put real pres­sure on me. Did they even have an open­ing cer­e­mony? Ev­ery­thing that hap­pens in China looks like an open­ing cer­e­mony to me. Danny Boyle’s the artis­tic di­rec­tor of Lon­don’s, so I’m most def­i­nitely go­ing to be watch­ing on Satur­day (the re­play at a nor­mal wak­ing hour). I can see why they chose him. I didn’t see Slum­dog Mil­lion­aire but I saw Trainspot­ting — and clearly so did the Lon­don Olympics or­gan­is­ers who hired Boyle— in which Ewan McGre­gor (pic­tured) dived into a toi­let bowl and Robert Car­lyle glassed some­body in a pub and Kevin McKidd be­came a heroin ad­dict and died. He’s in Grey’s Anatomy now, dy­ing a slower death. And Car­lyle is Rumpel­stilt­skin in Once Upon a Time, just as psy­chotic as he was in Trainspot­ting.

Boyle’s named his Olympics show The Isles of Won­der, and, well, no won­der, given what he’s ca­pa­ble of. But now re­ports are com­ing out of the UK about the bu­colic scene that’s go­ing to greet us on the week­end, a Shake­speare­in­flu­enced tableau with grass and sheep and Sir Paul McCart­ney. I hope the se­cu­rity peo­ple are the same ones who turned the mi­cro­phones off mid-song dur­ing Bruce Spring­steen’s show at Lon­don’s Hyde Park the other night, as he and McCart­ney were singing Twist and Shout, be­cause it was past the 10.30 cur­few.

There’d bet­ter be a bit of David Beck­ham — in a speak­ing role —– Vivi­enne West- wood, Paul Weller, Joan Collins and no sign of the Mid­dle­ton sis­ter, or the whole thing will rightly be con­sid­ered a fail­ure.

And I’ll tell you what else is weird — the gold medals this time are the heav­i­est yet: 400g. And 400g would be fan­tas­tic if there was that much ac­tual gold in them, given the price of gold.

But there isn’t. I hope this isn’t a sign.

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