Lesser of the two and a halfs
TWOand a half men alright. Who will they replace Angus T Jones with when he leaves the show? The old dog from Frasier? No, you’re right. The old chair from Frasier then.
Jones hasn’t left yet, but I wrote this, like, yesterday. He’ll have to quit soon or it’s going to start to look like he didn’t mean what he said about Two and a Half Men. Because I think if you’re going to go on YouTube and tell people not to watch a show, and then keep working on that show, it tends to come off as somewhat, let’s say, dumb.
Which I maybe shouldn’t say, because what does he even do on it? I don’t know, but it gets him $350,000 a week. I wonder if this is why he hasn’t quit yet? Even though his former TV uncle Charlie Sheen came out with that great offer of Anger Management sessions on his couch. The perfect response.
And actually there’s an easy solution right there — one of Charlie’s old girlfriends turns up with a kid, Charlie’s brother Alan has to step up and become the de facto father. Jake unfortunately meets with a terrible accident, similar to the one that finished off his uncle Charlie, and will never be seen again.
Literally, because once Jones leaves Two and a Half Men, it’s hard to foresee a lot of demand for him in Hollywood. It’s funny how he’s just kind of randomly come out now and had this meltdown, deciding it’s filth after already making millions of dollars from the show. He’s not the first addled child star to go cannibal, but he’s one of the biggest. I say that only in financial terms. He’s not in any way a substantial actor. I mean, it’s not like he would’ve been under any intense pressure at work and just cracked, the way, say, Britney Spears was when she attacked a photographer with an umbrella and cut off all her hair. Hell no. Jones would have all the worries of a pre-schooler, what with his one line of dialogue each week.
Anyway, he sent out an apology, described as ‘‘ self-written,’’ a day later, which included the word ‘‘ misstatement’’ but which didn’t actually say Two and a Half Men wasn’t filth or that we should watch it. And now Miley Cyrus’s name has suddenly come up because when she went on the show the ratings were the best all year. So now they’ll either hire her to replace him and just draw a line through Men when the opening credits come up, or end the whole series. I’d go with that one, but I’m also going to take Angus T Jones’s ‘‘ testimonial’’ at face value and not watch the show. Or at least continue to not watch the show.