Lesser of the two and a halfs

Herald Sun - Switched On - - On The Couch -

TWOand a half men al­right. Who will they re­place An­gus T Jones with when he leaves the show? The old dog from Frasier? No, you’re right. The old chair from Frasier then.

Jones hasn’t left yet, but I wrote this, like, yes­ter­day. He’ll have to quit soon or it’s go­ing to start to look like he didn’t mean what he said about Two and a Half Men. Be­cause I think if you’re go­ing to go on YouTube and tell peo­ple not to watch a show, and then keep work­ing on that show, it tends to come off as some­what, let’s say, dumb.

Which I maybe shouldn’t say, be­cause what does he even do on it? I don’t know, but it gets him $350,000 a week. I won­der if this is why he hasn’t quit yet? Even though his former TV un­cle Char­lie Sheen came out with that great of­fer of Anger Man­age­ment ses­sions on his couch. The per­fect re­sponse.

And ac­tu­ally there’s an easy so­lu­tion right there — one of Char­lie’s old girl­friends turns up with a kid, Char­lie’s brother Alan has to step up and be­come the de facto fa­ther. Jake un­for­tu­nately meets with a ter­ri­ble ac­ci­dent, sim­i­lar to the one that fin­ished off his un­cle Char­lie, and will never be seen again.

Lit­er­ally, be­cause once Jones leaves Two and a Half Men, it’s hard to fore­see a lot of de­mand for him in Hol­ly­wood. It’s funny how he’s just kind of ran­domly come out now and had this melt­down, de­cid­ing it’s filth af­ter al­ready mak­ing mil­lions of dol­lars from the show. He’s not the first ad­dled child star to go can­ni­bal, but he’s one of the big­gest. I say that only in fi­nan­cial terms. He’s not in any way a sub­stan­tial ac­tor. I mean, it’s not like he would’ve been un­der any in­tense pres­sure at work and just cracked, the way, say, Brit­ney Spears was when she at­tacked a pho­tog­ra­pher with an um­brella and cut off all her hair. Hell no. Jones would have all the wor­ries of a pre-schooler, what with his one line of di­a­logue each week.

Any­way, he sent out an apol­ogy, de­scribed as ‘‘ self-writ­ten,’’ a day later, which in­cluded the word ‘‘ mis­state­ment’’ but which didn’t ac­tu­ally say Two and a Half Men wasn’t filth or that we should watch it. And now Mi­ley Cyrus’s name has sud­denly come up be­cause when she went on the show the rat­ings were the best all year. So now they’ll ei­ther hire her to re­place him and just draw a line through Men when the open­ing cred­its come up, or end the whole se­ries. I’d go with that one, but I’m also go­ing to take An­gus T Jones’s ‘‘ tes­ti­mo­nial’’ at face value and not watch the show. Or at least con­tinue to not watch the show.

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