WHEN Sydney mum Ju­marie Cad­man ar­rived home af­ter her world was torn apart in the dev­as­ta­tion of the Barcelona ter­ror at­tacks, she couldn’t even get through the front door.

Three times, Ms Cad­man tried to get into her Lalor Park home, but the ab­sence of her seven-year-old son Ju­lian, who was killed in the bar­baric Au­gust as­sault, was too stark.

“My hus­band had to take me back to hos­pi­tal twice and I fi­nally man­aged it the third time. The hard­est was go­ing into Ju­lian’s play­room, his bed­room; I man­aged with the help of the hos­pi­tal’s so­cial worker,” she said.

Ms Cad­man, 43, has opened up about the Au­gust 17 at­tack for the first time, telling of her an­guish over the loss of her only child in an as­sault that left her with dev­as­tat­ing in­juries.

“I don’t sleep, I miss him ev­ery hour. I loved be­ing a mum, but it’s all gone,” Ms Cad­man said.

She and her son were in Barcelona to at­tend her niece’s wed­ding for which Ju­lian was to be page boy, while Ju­lian’s dad Andrew, 42, stayed at home.

The pair were on Las Ram­blas when Younes Abouyaaqoub, 22, smashed into the crowds in a van. He killed 13 peo­ple and in­jured 130 more be­fore flee­ing, shot dead by au­thor­i­ties five days later.

“Ju­lian was a bless­ing, who brought so much joy. I just want Ju­lian back, I don’t know why I sur­vived and he didn’t,” the wheelchair­bound Ms Cad­man said through tears.

Ms Cad­man had ex­ten­sive surgery to fix her shat­tered legs and pelvis in Barcelona, re­turn­ing to Sydney in Septem­ber and trans­fer­ring to West­mead Hos­pi­tal. But she will walk again.

Ju­lian Cad­man, who was killed in the Barcelona ter­ror at­tacks and (be­low) with mother Ju­marie.

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