JOKE OF THE WEEK: THE STOCK­MAR­KET RE­PORT

Isis Town and Country - - News -

DID you hear this Stock Mar­ket Re­port for last week?

Helium was up, feath­ers were down, pa­per was sta­tion­ary.

Floures­cent tub­ing was dimmed in light trad­ing.

Knives went up sharply, cows steered into a bull mar­ket.

Pen­cils lost a few points. Hik­ing equip­ment was trail­ing.

El­e­va­tors rose, while es­ca­la­tors con­tin­ued their slow decline.

Weights were up in heavy trad­ing, light switches were off.

Min­ing equip­ment hit rock bot­tom, nap­pies re­mained un­changed.

Ship­ping lines stayed on an even keel.

The mar­ket for raisins dried up, Coca Cola fiz­zled.

Cater­pil­lar stock inched up a bit, sun peaked at mid­day, and bal­loon prices were in­flated.

And bat­ter­ies ex­ploded in an at­tempt to recharge the mar­ket!

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