Instant attraction not always the key
Match-making expert shares what she has learned from years of helping people find ‘the one’
I’VE known matchmaker Yvonne Allen for years, ever since she started to become vocal about what she’d learnt about relationships through one of Australia’s most successful dating agencies.
Yvonne is still matching up mostly successful 30-something professionals but she’s seen the whole dating scene change because of the internet.
“These days the focus on instant attraction and high chemistry often gets in the way of allowing a relationship to develop,” she tells me.
“Given their ability to contact countless numbers of singles via dating sites, many who are looking for love keep repeating a disappointing cycle of one-date-only hook ups.”
That’s self-defeating, she says, because “real relationships require time to develop as do the skills needed for sustaining a mutually rewarding partnership”.
Adds Yvonne: “Another problem is that instant ‘fast-love’ also exacerbates the serious social isolation phenomenon evident in an era where it is common to have hundreds of Facebook relationships but few that are face-to-face and real.
“In fact, it seems that many young people have no idea of how to develop meaningful relationships at all.”
It’s interesting stuff for singles from someone who has seen thousands of relationships succeed or fail. So what advice does she have for those who are serious about finding a partner?
Rather than rush into a full on relationship, to take time getting to know each other and to enjoy developing a friendship first, says Yvonne.
She also encourages those seeking a partner to really look at themselves, rather than creating mental wish lists of what that special someone should look like and who they should be.
“All too often those looking for love have set ideas about what their ideal person should look or be like without asking themselves “why would the person I seek be looking for me?” says Yvonne. “This tends to be a very powerful question that can change someone’s entire outlook.”
While her views might sound old-fashioned, they’re full of common sense. So maybe stop clicking on Tinder and starting clicking in real life.
It’s surprising but true that many of Yvonne’s successful matches never saw a photo before they met the person of their dreams.