Lis­ten, I’m not kid­ding

Less men­tioned facts about that sweet lit­tle bun­dle of joy

Life & Style Weekend - - HOME - STAY AT HOME MUM with Jody Allen Jody Allen is the founder of Stay At Home Mum: stay­ath­ome­mum.com.au

THERE are some things that ev­ery­one tells you about ba­bies. They’re de­mand­ing, loud, scream­ing nappy-fillers. So what about what they don’t tell you? As it turns out, ba­bies are more than just needy mini-hu­mans, but it of­ten isn’t un­til you meet your first one that you fig­ure it out. So, here are some things that we bet you didn’t know about kids, be­fore you had one.

Your child is a cone-head

When you’re preg­nant, you’ll prob­a­bly have a pic­ture of your adorable bun­dle of joy, but be warned that your child is un­likely to look like that from the start. In fact, your baby may look more like a cone-head at first than Dan Aykroyd him­self. Why? Well it turns out that you’re a lit­tle to blame for that. Dur­ing birth the baby can spend a sig­nif­i­cant amount of time lodged in the pelvis. While it’s there, open­ings in the skull al­low it to change its shape to fit into the birth canal, leav­ing the head a lit­tle pointier than you imag­ined.

Ba­bies are jumpy as hell

Af­ter a life­time in the womb, for your baby any­way, it can be pretty crazy to sud­denly have so much space in which to move around. So crazy in fact, that it takes a lit­tle bit of get­ting used to. While your baby is ad­just­ing to the wide open na­ture of their new ex­is­tence, they can be a lit­tle jumpy. This jumpi­ness man­i­fests in jerky arm and leg move­ments, quiv­er­ing legs and arms, and a pretty crazy star­tle re­flex. The star­tle re­flex al­ways gets parental at­ten­tion, be­cause your baby will throw out their arms, open their hands and draw their head back, as if pre­par­ing for a big drop.

Baby pe­ri­ods are a thing

When ba­bies are born, there’s quite a large amount of their mother’s hor­mones cours­ing through their bod­ies. In girls, it gen­er­ally causes swelling of the labia, but it can also cause a bloody dis­charge sim­i­lar to a tiny new­born pe­riod. Th­ese mini pe­ri­ods gen­er­ally only last a few days, so don’t be con­cerned if you see a smudge of blood or darker urine. How­ever, if it’s bright red, talk to your doc­tor.

Boys have big ‘bits’

The same ma­ter­nal hor­mones that cause your daugh­ter to have her first mini pe­riod can also cause some­thing not-so-mini to hap­pen to your son. While your hus­band might be quick to take the credit for your son’s over­sized gen­i­tals, the swelling is ac­tu­ally thanks to you.

Ba­bies can have cold ex­trem­i­ties

One thing you might no­tice in the early days of your child’s life is that their hands and feet feel cold. How­ever, be­fore you pile on more blan­kets or get the baby heater out, check their torso. If it’s warm and pink, your baby prob­a­bly isn’t cold.

PHOTO: THINKSTOCK

Th­ese are the things no one tells you be­fore you have a child. GROWTH SPURT: A child will dou­ble their birth weight in six months, which is a lot of grow­ing.

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