In flew the flu, and round the world it goes

There seems to be no get­ting rid of the va­ca­tion­ing, vi­ral virus

Life & Style Weekend - - STUFF - Greg Bray blogs at greg­bray­writer.word­press.com. Find him on Face­book: Greg Bray – Writer with Greg Bray

He tossed me a bot­tle of medicine that didn’t stop my throat croak, but it did give me the runs, so it sort of worked...

FOLKS, Aus­tralia is cur­rently in the grip of a highly con­ta­gious flu epi­demic which, ap­par­ently, is even worse than the much-dreaded Man Flu. Se­ri­ously, if you haven’t had it, or got it, then you re­ally don’t want it.

For­tu­nately, it ric­o­cheted off our fam­ily, but count­less oth­ers haven’t been so lucky. Like a bloke at the chemist’s last week.

“Lis­ten,” I said to the phar­ma­cist, as suf­fer­ers around me filled the air with germs, “I’ve got this nig­gly cough, which sounds like…”

That’s as far as I got be­fore the ail­ing chap be­side me started to hawk up the world’s stick­i­est fur ball.

What fol­lowed was a cough­ing fit so in­tense that I half ex­pected to see his eye­balls pop out and bounce across the coun­ter­top like ping pong balls.

He even­tu­ally sank to the floor, wheez­ing for breath on his hands and knees. Af­ter help­ing to lift him onto a nearby chair, I turned to the chemist and cried, “Quick, give me some­thing. Any­thing!”

He tossed me a bot­tle of medicine that didn’t stop my throat croak, but it did give me the runs, so it sort of worked, be­cause I was too scared to cough for fear of fill­ing my rompers. Now, Aus­tralian doc­tors knew this flu sea­son was go­ing to be a shocker be­cause they’d been watch­ing the hor­ror un­fold dur­ing the north­ern hemi­sphere’s win­ter.

Sadly, thanks to the won­der of air travel, the virus was Down Un­der and run­ning amok be­fore they could mut­ter, “Open up and say… aaaargh.”

Even though the warmer weather has ar­rived early, this nasty flu out­break con­tin­ues to hang round like an un­in­vited din­ner guest, point­edly ig­nor­ing any hints to va­moose.

With­out a flu cure in sight, the only way to stop it could be to quar­an­tine the long-haul, plague-car­ry­ing planes, but that prob­a­bly won’t hap­pen. So the vi­cious cy­cle will con­tinue as sick Aussie trav­ellers re­turn the bug to our north­ern neigh­bours in time for their win­ter.

So next year we’ll be brac­ing for an­other visit from this va­ca­tion­ing, vi­ral virus, but with luck it won’t be tour­ing with the Man Flu.

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