Unattached and anxious?
HOW is the ‘happily ever after’ working out?
The reality of the happily-ever-after dream reinforced by society does not materialise for many, or can break down unexpectedly at any stage in life. Over the last few months I’ve provided fabulous tips to be the best version of you in your relationship and it’s quite the time to address being single.
Unfulfilled expectations can leave us feeling like a total loser with a sense of failure, loneliness, being different and rejected. You may feel isolated with a sense of having ‘missed the boat’.
Everyone else is enjoying the ‘party of partnership’ and you’re watching from the window outside. Amplifying this are well-meaning friends and family who say:
◗ You’re single... how come?
◗ My electrician is very handsome.
◗ I miss being single. You’re so lucky to be single.
◗ There’s someone out there for everyone.
The aim of this article is to help those who are struggling to ‘be on their own’ without any sense of meaning. It is never too late to think about ways in which life could become more rewarding and fulfilling.
Here are 10 important questions to ask yourself: 1. Do I really have to be in a partnership to be happy?
Being single is not a synonym for loneliness, lack of social life, fun or fulfilling and meaningful relationships. This could well be your time to shine. 2. What would a relationship give me?
Assuming a significant other will help heal past wounds or you reach your life expectations is worth questioning. What needs are not being met now that you can work on yourself? 3. What unhealthy beliefs are inhibiting me? Based on our upbringing and experiences, we each have our
own ideas and dreams about how long-term relationships will start. Let go of rigid expectations about methods of meeting people. How have you come to those beliefs and are they inflexible? 4. What do I tell myself?
We could well have 10 thousand thoughts a day (probably more for women, and watch this space for that topic next month) so it’s worth analysing our self-talk. What inspiring and uplifting statements are you telling yourself? Consider what toxic talk you are dragging yourself down with.
5. How do I feel about my body? Are you comfortable in your own skin? Do you have the motivation to stay fit and healthy? Can you enjoy your uniquely created body? If not, what can you do about it today?
6. Do I feel socially awkward? Does the thought of making chit-chat, polite conversation, or being in social situations give you sweaty palms or just yawn? Is it time to hone your skills in this area? 7. Is work all I have? List all the activities you do that provide an opportunity to meet people, socialise and add to the sense of well-being in your life. Not too many? Why? This could be an exciting opportunity to serve in the community. 8. What’s my personal experience and history of friendships and relationships? We are a product of our upbringing and past experiences. Was your family social and outgoing or reserved? What were your previous experiences of relationships and friendships? Any answers help you make sense of where your struggles are now in making and/or maintaining friendships and relationships? 9. Have I labelled myself as a single or lonely person?
Focus your attention on needs you can currently meet yourself. Reframe your title to one that highlights your incredible attributes. There’s nothing sexier than a single person rocking this earth confidently using their talents to the max!
10. How can I help myself? Anything here inspired some aspects of your thoughts to change or to take risks? Has this highlighted the need to seek an outside perspective or be safely accompanied through grief. Maybe you just need more tools and strategies to achieving your goals.
While the “marrieds” are drowned out by the snoring and being financially accountable, a chapter or life of singleness can be quite a gift. Make a damn fine reason for this season and maximise this opportunity to be the best version of the uniquely created you.
Show the Sunshine Coast community what you’ve got!
This could well be your time to shine.