Un­at­tached and anx­ious?

Life & Style Weekend - - YOU - With Joanne Wil­son Joanne is a neu­ropsy­chother­a­pist and re­la­tion­ship spe­cial­ist of TheCon­fi­dante Coun­selling. Email jo@the­con­fi­dan­te­coun­selling.com or visit www.sun­shinecoast­coun­selling.com.

HOW is the ‘hap­pily ever af­ter’ work­ing out?

The re­al­ity of the hap­pily-ever-af­ter dream re­in­forced by so­ci­ety does not ma­te­ri­alise for many, or can break down un­ex­pect­edly at any stage in life. Over the last few months I’ve pro­vided fab­u­lous tips to be the best ver­sion of you in your re­la­tion­ship and it’s quite the time to ad­dress be­ing sin­gle.

Un­ful­filled ex­pec­ta­tions can leave us feel­ing like a to­tal loser with a sense of fail­ure, lone­li­ness, be­ing dif­fer­ent and re­jected. You may feel iso­lated with a sense of hav­ing ‘missed the boat’.

Ev­ery­one else is en­joy­ing the ‘party of part­ner­ship’ and you’re watch­ing from the win­dow out­side. Am­pli­fy­ing this are well-mean­ing friends and fam­ily who say:

◗ You’re sin­gle... how come?

◗ My elec­tri­cian is very hand­some.

◗ I miss be­ing sin­gle. You’re so lucky to be sin­gle.

◗ There’s some­one out there for ev­ery­one.

The aim of this ar­ti­cle is to help those who are strug­gling to ‘be on their own’ with­out any sense of mean­ing. It is never too late to think about ways in which life could be­come more re­ward­ing and ful­fill­ing.

Here are 10 im­por­tant ques­tions to ask your­self: 1. Do I re­ally have to be in a part­ner­ship to be happy?

Be­ing sin­gle is not a syn­onym for lone­li­ness, lack of so­cial life, fun or ful­fill­ing and mean­ing­ful re­la­tion­ships. This could well be your time to shine. 2. What would a re­la­tion­ship give me?

As­sum­ing a sig­nif­i­cant other will help heal past wounds or you reach your life ex­pec­ta­tions is worth ques­tion­ing. What needs are not be­ing met now that you can work on your­self? 3. What un­healthy be­liefs are in­hibit­ing me? Based on our up­bring­ing and ex­pe­ri­ences, we each have our

own ideas and dreams about how long-term re­la­tion­ships will start. Let go of rigid ex­pec­ta­tions about meth­ods of meet­ing peo­ple. How have you come to those be­liefs and are they in­flex­i­ble? 4. What do I tell my­self?

We could well have 10 thou­sand thoughts a day (prob­a­bly more for women, and watch this space for that topic next month) so it’s worth analysing our self-talk. What in­spir­ing and up­lift­ing state­ments are you telling your­self? Con­sider what toxic talk you are drag­ging your­self down with.

5. How do I feel about my body? Are you com­fort­able in your own skin? Do you have the mo­ti­va­tion to stay fit and healthy? Can you en­joy your uniquely cre­ated body? If not, what can you do about it today?

6. Do I feel so­cially awk­ward? Does the thought of mak­ing chit-chat, po­lite con­ver­sa­tion, or be­ing in so­cial sit­u­a­tions give you sweaty palms or just yawn? Is it time to hone your skills in this area? 7. Is work all I have? List all the ac­tiv­i­ties you do that pro­vide an op­por­tu­nity to meet peo­ple, so­cialise and add to the sense of well-be­ing in your life. Not too many? Why? This could be an ex­cit­ing op­por­tu­nity to serve in the com­mu­nity. 8. What’s my per­sonal ex­pe­ri­ence and his­tory of friend­ships and re­la­tion­ships? We are a prod­uct of our up­bring­ing and past ex­pe­ri­ences. Was your fam­ily so­cial and out­go­ing or re­served? What were your pre­vi­ous ex­pe­ri­ences of re­la­tion­ships and friend­ships? Any an­swers help you make sense of where your strug­gles are now in mak­ing and/or main­tain­ing friend­ships and re­la­tion­ships? 9. Have I la­belled my­self as a sin­gle or lonely per­son?

Fo­cus your at­ten­tion on needs you can cur­rently meet your­self. Re­frame your ti­tle to one that high­lights your in­cred­i­ble at­tributes. There’s noth­ing sex­ier than a sin­gle per­son rock­ing this earth con­fi­dently us­ing their tal­ents to the max!

10. How can I help my­self? Any­thing here in­spired some as­pects of your thoughts to change or to take risks? Has this high­lighted the need to seek an out­side per­spec­tive or be safely ac­com­pa­nied through grief. Maybe you just need more tools and strate­gies to achiev­ing your goals.

While the “mar­rieds” are drowned out by the snor­ing and be­ing fi­nan­cially ac­count­able, a chap­ter or life of sin­gle­ness can be quite a gift. Make a damn fine rea­son for this sea­son and max­imise this op­por­tu­nity to be the best ver­sion of the uniquely cre­ated you.

Show the Sun­shine Coast com­mu­nity what you’ve got!


This could well be your time to shine.

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