Life & Style Weekend - - YOU - WORDS: JOANNE WIL­SON Joanne is a neu­ropsy­chother­a­pist and re­la­tion­ship spe­cial­ist of TheCon­fi­dante Coun­selling. Email jo@the­con­fi­dan­te­coun­ or visit www.sun­shinecoast­coun­

It’s Part Two of my Five Love Lan­guages se­ries folks, so just a re­cap! Love lan­guages are five ways we ex­press and un­der­stand love as sug­gested by au­thor, Gary Chap­man. Peo­ple use dif­fer­ent com­bi­na­tions to com­mu­ni­cate love for other peo­ple. When cou­ples learn to ex­press their part­ner’s love lan­guage, it helps cre­ate the best pos­si­ble foun­da­tion for their re­la­tion­ship. I’ve cov­ered Words of Af­fir­ma­tion, which is the love lan­guage for peo­ple who use ver­bal or writ­ten cues to ex­press and re­ceive love. Th­ese peo­ple al­ways seem to have a com­pli­ment ready and look par­tic­u­larly de­jected when starved of any them­selves. This week­end, we’re look­ing at Acts of Ser­vice. To quote Elvis, the de­sire of peo­ple whose love lan­guage is Acts of Ser­vice is a lit­tle less con­ver­sa­tion and a lit­tle more ac­tion. It’s not that they don’t care for a few kind words or ex­pect a per­sonal at­ten­dant ei­ther. They place great value in do­ing some­thing that needs to be done with­out be­ing asked. To them, per­form­ing th­ese ac­tions is a greater dis­play of care and af­fec­tion than say­ing it. This can cre­ate some ob­vi­ous ten­sion when you’ve got one part­ner who speaks in Words of Af­fir­ma­tion and another who speaks in Acts of Ser­vice. The trick is for both part­ners to learn how to talk to each other. The one who uses words must learn to use ac­tions, and the one who uses ac­tions must learn to use words. It can be quite un­com­fort­able at first, how­ever with a lit­tle rep­e­ti­tion and con­sis­tency – you’ll both be croon­ing Burn­ing Love in­stead of There Goes My Ev­ery­thing. Acts of ser­vice are of­ten about small ges­tures. Rather than, “I waxed your car, cleaned the en­tire house, washed the hound dog, have your lob­ster ther­mi­dor in the oven, filed your taxes – now let me take off your blue suede shoes.” That cer­tainly wouldn’t go astray, but the re­al­ity is much smaller in scope. Here are some ex­am­ples of Acts of Ser­vice that may have your part­ner jump up and jive with love: Make the bed in the morn­ing. Pack their lunch for work. Run a bath for them. En­gi­neer them some un­in­ter­rupted time to watch a show, a sports match, or read a book. Take out the garbage. De­liver break­fast in bed on a week­end. Run an er­rand such as grab a pre­scrip­tion or pick up dry clean­ing. Iron their clothes. Do the dishes. Of­fer to be the des­ig­nated driver the next time you go out. Re­search some­thing for them that would make their home chores, work or next trip eas­ier. Let them sleep in. I’m cer­tainly not sug­gest­ing you sell your soul to slav­ery. Do take the time, how­ever, to no­tice what your part­ner may have been try­ing to per­form for you all th­ese years. Those Acts of Ser­vice could well be what they’ve been sing­ing out for? Ex­pect a Sus­pi­cious Mind when you sud­denly turn on their love lan­guage, but as­sure them it’s just be­cause I’m Stuck on You. Is this your love lan­guage? Maybe you need to be as­sertive about telling your spouse how they can Love Me Ten­der? Come on, It’s Now or Never.

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