COFFEE & a CONVO’
With Tanya, single mum to Lucas and Emily
HOW HAVE YOU CHANGED SINCE BECOMING A SINGLE MUM?
In the way I prioritise things. Some of the things I used to think were important really aren’t. For example, I now work part-time instead of full-time.
WHAT UNEXPECTED POSITIVES HAVE YOU DISCOVERED ALONG THE WAY?
It’s actually allowed me to have a better work-life balance, because there’s another household and another family, it allows me more flexibility at work so I can have a career and be there for my children.
WHAT WAS YOUR BIGGEST CHALLENGE IN REBUILDING AFTER DIVORCE?
The emotional fight within myself - part of me wanted to run away as my ex-husband and his new partner lived so close. I suffered emotionally so I could support my children in both of their homes. It took counselling to get through, but I just had to tell myself that it wouldn’t always be so painful, and it’s paid off, my children are well adjusted.
WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE THING TO DO WHEN YOU GET ‘ME’ TIME?
Training! Just running – it doesn’t matter how far or where. I’ve been doing triathlons since
WHAT HAVE I LEARNED ABOUT MYSELF? THAT EVEN WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO FALL INTO A HEAP, I DIDN’T.
my separation and I want to do the China Great Wall Marathon in 2017. I never even thought I could swim 1.5km and I did and I was ok! You can accomplish so much more than you think you can – just have a plan and work up to it.
WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO RIGHT NOW?
Wednesday nights are hand over nights with my kids and we’ve made it into our ‘movie night’. Lucas picks the movie, I make something special for dinner and we stay up late. Spending that time together on their first night home helps them to adjust quicker to the change in households.
WHAT’S YOUR BEST TIP FOR GETTING THROUGH A SEPARATION OR DIVORCE?
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes it’s hour by hour, then day by day and slowly you stop having to ‘just get through’.